Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1639 of 6384
People dropout of school and get a job at McDonald's talking bout "on my grind" yeah okay, GRIND me up a Oreo McFlurry with yo dumb ass
California officials want to contain a measles outbreak that originated in Disneyland last month. They are in luck because everyone who is exposed to it is still in line at Space Mountain.
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01-23-2015 19:26 by Mark M
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I saw Tom Brady hanging around my car.... Sure enough, I got in, started the car and the low tire pressure light came on.
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01-23-2015 18:36
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I've met some pricks in my life, but you sir are a fcuking Cactus.
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01-23-2015 16:26
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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
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01-23-2015 14:32 by Json
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My favorite part about the Patriots cheating is it means they didn't have confidence in Brady's skill.
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01-23-2015 12:33 by flinnie
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If my attitude towards people was the same as my attitude towards dogs, I'd be a lot more tolerant of jerks if they were good cuddlers.
Fact: Dogs don't like when you pet their fur in the wrong direction because it exposes the tribal tattoos they got in college
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01-23-2015 12:25 by huck
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Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
In 30 years, it will be 1/23/45. Carry On.
If people are against war get Michael Moore to say something so outrageous they will support it again.
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01-23-2015 11:26
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Obama deflated the balls so the news would talk about it all freaking day and not focus on real issues.
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01-23-2015 11:24
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American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
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01-23-2015 09:27
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KEEP YOUR CAP LOCKS ON JUST IN CASE A DEAF PERSON READS YOUR STATUS.
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01-23-2015 07:33
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BREAKING NEWS.....New England Patriots to start wearing an asterisk on their helmets....
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01-23-2015 07:15 by scottyp
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The friend-zone is the only place that has more deflated balls than a patriots game.
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01-23-2015 04:06
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Tom Brady's balls are under more scrutiny than Ray Rice's fist ever was.
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01-23-2015 03:55 by jeremy
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Everyone should call their weed "The Quran" because burning that crap gets you stoned.
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01-23-2015 03:54
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there's no "I" in "we" ....unless you're a gamer #Wii
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01-23-2015 02:49 by Eddy
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The price humans pay for walking upright is being the only species on the planet that has to wipe their ass after a nice bowel movement. Goodnight.
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01-22-2015 23:23
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