Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know what is worse than the riots in Baltimore......... Another Paul Blart movie.

   If I thought President Obma should serve two more terms in office, than I'd be on crack just like Obama is.

   I miss elementary school days where I would have a doctor's appointment and come back to school like a boss with McDonald's.

   If you want to get into a race debate, OK, I'll start one.... Why is Tony Stewart allowed back in NASCAR?

   [flashlight to face]... When we were young, we only had a few TV channels... *all the kids gasp*... And there was no wifi... *4 kids puke and 2 faint*

   Your car took up two spaces,, So I tried to move it over with my key.

   maybe they should do like a Hunger Games city version....Ferguson vs Baltimore

   What do I do? My google machine just rang.

   yes ladies we see you checking us out at the gym too. I know when a girl looks at me and gets a little moist.

   Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.

   Calling it Jerk Chicken is rude. Maybe it had a rough childhood, you don't know.

   I tried taking up the guitar recently to impress girls but they were disgusted when I could only get the neck in.

   I had no idea Baltimore had won any type of championship!!!!

   Comply & you don't die. Pretty simple concept.

   I'm sure they'll recap the first round of this season of "Riots" on your local news channel in case you missed its premier.

   I had no idea it was black Friday in Baltimore.

   This new season of Ferguson is a Riot.

   The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are....the bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.

   Right now, the only safe place in Baltimore is your nearest KFC.

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore