Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1610 of 6446

How you get almond milk? Almonds ain't got no nipples!
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05-06-2015 10:21 by Dude
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My go-to office prank is to go onto someone's unattended Facbook page and post "I'm undecided, which should I get, Android or iPhone"
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05-06-2015 09:23
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I just walked into a spider web and now I know all of Katy Perry's dance moves.
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05-06-2015 09:13
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Learn how to spell.
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05-06-2015 09:13
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why do elephants have four feet? Because six and a half inches just ain't long enough
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05-06-2015 06:48
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why don't dentist offer 50 percent discounts to meth heads just to gum up business
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05-06-2015 06:47
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The difference between drinking on Saint Patricks Day and drinking on Cinco De Mayo is... ...nobody pretends to be a Mexican.
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05-05-2015 16:36
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OK ladies; for the last time, stop the birthday month crap. You get one day, not a whole month you greedy b****es.
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05-05-2015 15:42
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Everyone wants to be Mexican for today Cinco De Mayo.. But nobody wants to work like Juan
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05-05-2015 14:54 by Khaos
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I don't need to know how to read Chinese to know that your neck tatoo says "I earn minimum wage"
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05-05-2015 13:26
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I just accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it says I have Gary Busey.
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05-05-2015 13:23
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Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
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05-05-2015 13:14
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Damn gurl... Are you left over pizza from Saturday night because I was going to get rid of you but now that I'm drunk ur all I can think about.
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05-05-2015 13:13
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It’s only every seven years that you get to celebrate Taco Tuesday and Cinco De Mayo on the same day.
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05-05-2015 12:29
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Since building the 6 million dollar man in the 70s, he's depreciated in value so much over time he's now known as 50cent.
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05-05-2015 10:32
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I'm no magician, but they've never found the bodies I made disappear.
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05-05-2015 10:29
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You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. - alcohol
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05-05-2015 10:28
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The average octopus spends two thirds of its life rolling its sleeves up
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05-05-2015 10:26
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I said I was hungry, she thought I said I was horny. Long story short, best first date ever..

You know what really gets a lady wet?........Rain.
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05-05-2015 10:24
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