Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1605 of 6384
Second star to the right and straight on 'tilll morning! Rip Spock!!
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02-27-2015 13:31
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For someone who can't put on a pair of panties without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
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02-27-2015 13:17
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Rest in peace Mr. Nimoy! You'll be missed =(
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02-27-2015 13:14
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“I’ve never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.” R.I.P. Mr. Spock
[Spock]: “On my planet, “to rest” is to rest, to cease using energy. To me it is quite illogical to run up and down on green grass using energy instead of saving it.” - Rest now Spock
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02-27-2015 12:40
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"You know what would make this taste a whole lot better? Turkey bacon!" ~ No one, ever.
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02-27-2015 11:50
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Miley Cyrus has been out of the news for a while, so you can knock it of now ISIS.
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02-27-2015 11:36
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I'm "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don't trust my farts anymore" years old.
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02-27-2015 11:32
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Had a dream I banged Ellen Degeneres.... or a dude that looked like her. Its a little foggy.
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02-27-2015 11:32
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If you want my advice, don't take my advice.
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02-27-2015 11:30
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Who cares what color the dress is so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
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02-27-2015 09:50
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Every Kiss may beging with "Kay", but Jarred ends with the "D"
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02-27-2015 09:45
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"So it says here on your resume that you are a 'master debater'?" "Yeah, umm... well... that is a typo"
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02-27-2015 09:42
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Your happiness is right around the corner... too bad the Earth is round.
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02-27-2015 09:36
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I'm terribly sorry, but I just don't have the energy to walk a mile in your shoes so I'm just going to stand here and judge you instead.
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02-27-2015 09:35
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You had me at "Hello".... and then lost me when you kept talking instead of dropping to your knees.
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02-27-2015 09:34
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They say you should drink 8 glasses of water a day but honestly you can drink one a day and be fine just don't do cocaine
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02-27-2015 09:23
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Brian Williams said the dress is gold and white because he was there when it was made.
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02-27-2015 08:25
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I'm like Hank Williams Jr. but instead of all my rowdy friends coming over tonight they are getting married and having children before me
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02-27-2015 05:55
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Stevie Wonder says the dress is black, but then again everything is black to him.
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02-27-2015 04:11 by JeffW
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