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I think Miley Cyrus is jsut using her pop career as a spring board to her career as a washed up has been.
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02-27-2015 14:46
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Police Officer: 'TURN AROUND" Me: *sings* "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and your're never coming round"
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02-27-2015 14:44
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Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
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02-27-2015 14:43
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If restaraunt napkins ever become currency, my glove box will become Fort Knox.
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02-27-2015 14:42
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I'm at my most penguine when I'm trying to get from one bathroom to the next to get a roll of toilet paper.
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02-27-2015 14:18
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Do you think the bums with Target shopping carts look down on the bums with Walmart shopping carts?
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02-27-2015 14:16
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The best part about being fat and old is that I'll never have to look back and see pictures of me in skinny jeans
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02-27-2015 14:16
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I'm never drinking again, again.
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02-27-2015 14:14
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Do people on Facebook really believe someone when they tell them "your kid is so adorable"? Because they shouldn't. Ever.
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02-27-2015 14:13
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Its too bad I didn't win the Power Ball. I was really looking forward to buying three days of food from Whole Foods
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02-27-2015 14:12
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I always keep a piece of paper with me incase someone tries to attack me with a rock.
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02-27-2015 14:11
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If you ever see a "26.2" or "13.1" sticker on my truck window, report it stolen.
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02-27-2015 14:10
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My favoritte thing that the caption of my high school varsity football team ever said to me was, "Would you like paper or plastic?"
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02-27-2015 14:09
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The chances of me letting you merge into traffic are inversely proportional to the number of douch bag bumper stickers you have on your car.
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02-27-2015 14:08
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Nobody thought to inject the blood of Benedict Cumberbatch to save Leonard Nimoy? Perhaps this is why I'm not a doctor...
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02-27-2015 14:08
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I hope my Members Only jacket looks as good as Madonna does when its 80.
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02-27-2015 14:08
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Its wierd how acceptable it is to put your genitals in someone else's mouth.
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02-27-2015 14:06
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I love that video where Justin Bieber swings back and forth on a wrecking ball in his panties.
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02-27-2015 14:05
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I wonder if Long John Silver was in it for the gold and glory or to have underwear and a crappy restaraunt named after him?
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02-27-2015 14:05
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According to math, hindsite is 1
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02-27-2015 14:04
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