Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1594 of 6384
You don't have the right to say "the struggle is real" when your ass is still living with your parents.
The only thing worse than a dry handjob, is cake without frosting.
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03-10-2015 10:42
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I'm not a role model, I just play one in front of my kids.
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03-10-2015 10:23
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Life gave me onions.... onionade sucks.
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03-10-2015 10:21
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Easy there buddy... Its an email signature, not the hood of a racecar.
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03-10-2015 09:51
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cutting the fat off bacon is like cutting the bacon off bacon
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
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03-10-2015 01:41
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Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
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03-10-2015 01:41 by Czovczov
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Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store.
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03-10-2015 01:40 by Czovczov
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I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
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03-09-2015 22:56 by Pipo
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Jacking off is all fun and games until someone walks in
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03-09-2015 20:06 by Ralph
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I never got why people liked sitting homje without pans on so much until I was without a job for a week. Now I'm left wondering why people have jobs.
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03-09-2015 15:12
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My password is SupermanHulkThor, its the strongest password I can think of.
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03-09-2015 15:09
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Wait... which one of the Hansen boys grew up to be Taylor Swift?
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03-09-2015 15:07
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Her: If I'm going to go down on you, can I at least have a hair band? Him: Of course *press play on Skid Row CD*
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03-09-2015 15:06
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You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
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03-09-2015 15:04
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.
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03-09-2015 15:01
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a court date is technically a date, right??
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03-09-2015 12:10
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R acism is the logical and direct consequence of ignorance, stupidity, illiteracy, and unreasonable fear.
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03-09-2015 12:05
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Strawberry pancakes are just like regular pancakes but they got arrested for coke possession and picking up a prostitute in 1999.
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03-09-2015 11:56
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