Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To everyone who posts a second comment to correct your first comment, you know what edit means, right??

   I am looking forward to the day when a figure skater is brave enough to come out as openly straight

   We played our sports shirts and skins style in gym class. Whenever it was the guys turn to be shirts the girls won.

   Children of divorce like to complain, yet I'm the one who had to deal with both parents day in and day out.

   I could never hate someone for their political views when I can hate them for the way they chew.

   New Jersey residents are being advised to NOT eat the fish washed up in the sewer. Which is ironic considering the sewer is the cleanest part of New Jersey.

   My retirement strategy is just me pretending to get sick and starting a gofundme account.

   Welcome to planet earth where when you see something unusual/abnormal/weird or out of the ordinary and point it out and suddenly you are labelled a hater and accused of being judgmental. SMH

   I've never liked FIFA either. They take way too much out of my paycheck.

   Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair??? I haven't seen that much photoshop since a Lord of the Rings movie.

   "Thank you Caitlin!" --Josh Duggar

   I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams.

   I found your suicide note and corrected some grammatical errors. You're good to go.

   Someone in my state is wearing Axe Body Spray... ugh, I can smell it from here

   Bruce Jenner went from paying $20 to get into the club to getting in for free.

   Look,,, all I'm saying is I've never seen Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner in the same room.

   Ladies, if Josh Duggar says he "loves you like a sister"... RUN!!

   I bet Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are pretty angry with Caitlyn for hogging all the attention.

   After seeing Caitlyn photos, I'm starting to doubt if Lady Gaga is a drag queen.

   Bruce Jenner can transition into whatever he/she wants to. All I ask is that his stepdaughters are transitioned into the bird $hi+ on my windshield, because I just got a fresh gallon of washer fluid.