Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1587 of 6384
Note to self......Don't chest bump the elderly.....not a good thing.....trust me on this one...
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03-18-2015 10:49 by scottyp
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Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
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03-18-2015 10:45
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Dog is man's best friend. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Therefore, a dog made out of diamonds should be everybody's friend.
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03-18-2015 09:25
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Please stop calling them "zombies." They are "living impaired."
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03-18-2015 09:10
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I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
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03-18-2015 08:59
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My super power is being able to make a quickie quicker.
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03-18-2015 08:32
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My son asked me what marriage is like, so I ignroed him and walked away.
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03-18-2015 08:31
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*Tries to finger paint* Paint: "I have a boyfriend".
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03-18-2015 08:30
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Hearing you moan is the sexiest sound ever, even if it just involves you awkwardly eating nachos
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03-18-2015 08:24
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That selfie looks like your daddy missed a lot of ballet recitals.
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03-18-2015 08:22
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I've been married for "the only way to get my wife to scream in bed is to fart in my sleep" years.
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03-18-2015 08:22
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Happy day after St. Patrick's day...also known as untagging yourself from photos day.
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03-18-2015 01:17
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Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
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03-18-2015 00:59 by Psycho
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Ladies, if a man asks another "did you f**k her?" and he answers "A gentleman has no memory", that means "YES"
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03-18-2015 00:03
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St. Patrick's Day Tip: Remember to switch your regular toilet paper roll out with a green roll tonight...You'll thank me tomorrow.
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03-17-2015 20:36 by John Y
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Your password must contain at least 8 letters, a capital, a plot, a protagonist with good character development, a twist and a happy ending
I just rap battled with my 5 year old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
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03-17-2015 13:58
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So who's up for some Dublin penetration on this woderful St. Paddy's Day?
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03-17-2015 13:53
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A wise man once said nothing. He let her vent, and then they had sex.
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03-17-2015 13:44
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Happy Irish-stereotypes day.
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03-17-2015 13:43
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