Funny Status Messages

   What the Cialis commercial doesn't tell you is that the coolest thing about a 4-hour erection is having a place to hang your jacket.

   Bill Cosby is rebranding as a rapper called Quaaludacris.

   Some of my best sex moves happen cause I get a cramp in my leg,

   Now that she hates Americans, we know she's Ariana "not so" grande...

   What is an Ariana Grande? A drink from Starbucks?

   Went to Mcdonals and asked for a sad meal. What?!?!? Dont judge me, Sad people gotta eat too!

   Too bad you can't afford to straighten those fcuked up chompers. Nice tat's though...

   I blame Subway!! The kids had a better chance of outrunning Jared when he was fat......

   The husband asked if I've seen where his exfoliation sponge was,,, and now I'm waiting for our periods to sync.

   Just got kicked out of Subway for asking if I could get a footlong Spicy Italian in my Kids Meal....

   Its 2015, why do babies still have cords.

   Well I guess this the recent news about Jared might put a whole new meaning to "six inch sub" instead of Footlong

   I was surprised by how poorly attended my high school reunion was until I rememberd the graduation day bear attack.

   The current Facebook dilema: How long until I can remove my rainbow filter avi without looking like a homophobe?

   At first I thought it said, "Kourtney Kardashian takes a dump on Scott Disick" which would make much more sense.

   You keep writing inspirational messages on Facebook, bro. I'll be over here banging that chick you like.

   My sex tape looks like Stephen Hawking trying to pull himself out of a bathtub.

   I didn't read the article but let me tell you what I think about the headline.

   *Sitting around camp fire* And when your phone rang, you had no idea who it was *kids get up and run away screaming*

   Apparently Jared was also fond of the occasional 2 inch sub.