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Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I can keep a secret like nobody's business.
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04-12-2015 07:37 by
Nipper
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People have 2 modes on facebook: pity prowling or overly offended by nothing
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04-12-2015 05:28
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thinks all.strippers must have the same nick name: Daddy Issues
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04-12-2015 05:26
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That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever.
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04-11-2015 22:20 by
huck
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You think you love your family but suddenly there's three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
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04-11-2015 22:11 by
andrew jackson
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I love my kid but I'm still going to eat his fries when he goes to the bathroom then lie to his face about it.
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04-11-2015 22:07 by
andrew jackson
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PRO TIP: Make tomorrow's colonoscopy special by eating all of this glitter!
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04-11-2015 16:04 by
snotty
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Taco Bell is going to start delivering. Thank you for making everyone a little more lazy.
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04-11-2015 15:44 by
Anthony
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If I am suffering and hurting and you tell me "its all god's plan" I will kick your ass and tell you it's also god's plan.
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04-11-2015 13:39
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Sleeping much better now that the Burger King mascot is off the air.
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04-11-2015 09:10
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So thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside. Instead of apps and how many likes you can get on a selfie.
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04-10-2015 22:47 by
BEGO
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and, liking - you liked your own status by yourself- your own status is like high fiving yourself in public.
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04-10-2015 21:58
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I wonder if they make a Gas-X for brain farts.
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04-10-2015 19:52
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and, liking - you liked your own statuse by yourself- your own status is like high fiving yourself in public.
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04-10-2015 18:38
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My wife can't remember which side of the car the gas cap is on but she remembers the picture of some girl I commented on 5 years ago.
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04-10-2015 12:33
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NFL has hired their first female referee... She will throw flags and not tell you what you did. "You know what you did"
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04-10-2015 11:58 by
rwconspirator
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I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
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04-10-2015 11:53
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Every girls dream is to find the perfect guy then change everything about him.
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04-10-2015 10:01
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Note to self... the shower curtain cannot save you from falling.
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04-10-2015 08:29 by
Nipper
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Be careful, Loneliness is dangerous. It's addicting . Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't wanna deal with people ever again.
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04-10-2015 03:32
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