Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1565 of 6384
Name your kid Basil and see what happens. BEST case scenario, he spend hours a day updating Wikipedia.
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04-15-2015 12:55
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You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
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04-15-2015 12:50
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PETA will fight a thousands battles, but apparently the Flintstones taking a dump in a pelicans mouth is not one of them.
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04-15-2015 12:50
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Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.
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04-15-2015 12:46 by Fluff!!
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Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez found guilty of 1st degree murder. Where he's going, I wonder if he'll stick with tight end or switch to receiver?
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04-15-2015 11:14 by RB
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Based on the obnoxious, drunk girl laughter coming from the car in front of me at the drive-thru, pretty sure that guy gets laid tonight.
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04-15-2015 10:47
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Relationship Status: Trying to get my cat to cooperate so I can make a Vine.
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04-15-2015 10:45
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I parked next to a Prius today.... well, on top of one, but same thing.
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04-15-2015 10:45
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Hernandez just found guilty ..he wont be getting 40 million for that tight end ever again ...
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04-15-2015 10:45
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I love it when I open the dryer door and money falls out instead of my cat .
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04-15-2015 10:44
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Its almost summer and you know what that means!!!!! Time to find a phone cord long enough to reach my front porch.
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04-15-2015 10:43
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I don't speak Spanish, but I'm pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
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04-15-2015 10:42
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So far I'm 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
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04-15-2015 10:40
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Most people are surprised to find out I am a grandmother, especially my daughters boyfriends.
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04-15-2015 10:39
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Now that she's running for President, US voters should remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky... ... and Monica blew it.
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04-15-2015 09:42
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Life isn't measured by how many likes we get, but rather the moments that take our likes away.
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04-15-2015 07:46
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An employee is a person who wears a tag and idle around seriously.
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04-15-2015 00:35
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A general rule of thumb is, there is almost nothing in my head worthwhile to say it.
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04-15-2015 00:25
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If time is money.... Facebook owes me like...27 billion dollars...
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04-14-2015 19:14 by sully
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I put my phone on airplane mode, and Siri asked me if I had ever been in a Turkish prison.
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04-14-2015 17:31
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