Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1557 of 6384
"I spent our entire relationship trying to change the man he was all the way until I broke up with him for not being the same man I met and fell in love with" ~ Women
←Rate |
04-27-2015 10:17
Comments (0)
The new Muppet TV show will be a little more "adult" than previous versions. For instance, they'll actually explain the significance of Gonzo's nose.
Ripley's Believe It Or Not says it's just a myth that humans only use 10% of their brains. Unless they're Kardashians.
Actress Elizabeth Olsen recently said it doesn't hurt your career to appear nude on screen. You listening, Megan Fox?
←Rate |
04-26-2015 19:25
Comments (0)
I think I skipped the part of life where I was supposed to learn how to get rich.
←Rate |
04-26-2015 10:53
Comments (0)
I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff, followed by disappointment.
←Rate |
04-26-2015 10:42
Comments (0)
Don't think I can't feel you removing my Crocs and jorts with your eyes, Phyllis?
←Rate |
04-26-2015 10:38
Comments (0)
But if I go out tonight, who is going to stick their finger in the cat's mouth and ruin his yawns?
←Rate |
04-26-2015 10:25 by KAREN
Comments (0)
A woman will date a guy who isn’t exactly what she likes in the hope of changing him into what she likes. How about just dating a guy who is exactly what you like and save everyone else the drama?
←Rate |
04-26-2015 10:12
Comments (0)
Ladies, instead of trying to change every guy you date, how about you just change your own fcuking expectations??
←Rate |
04-26-2015 09:54
Comments (0)
Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password? Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily] THIS IS A FUNERAL Me: *[Types in] THIS IS A FUNERAL
←Rate |
04-26-2015 09:39
Comments (0)
I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing, to let me know when I am wrong.
It's weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
←Rate |
04-26-2015 08:06 by huck
Comments (0)
Hot women are in one of two categories: They're bat$hit crazy or they have the herp...
←Rate |
04-25-2015 22:50
Comments (0)
those E-cigarettes plug into USB so when they run out of their fluid & get empty have they been "formatted"?
←Rate |
04-25-2015 22:12 by Eddy
Comments (0)
Wait?? The NSA's "Facial Recognition" software can pick a person out of a crowd but the vending maching at work can't recognize a dollar with a bent corner?
←Rate |
04-25-2015 16:58 by snotty
Comments (0)
I don't think you're supposed to use the pressure treated lumber to plank your BBQ salmon,,, but girl, your trailer looks nice
←Rate |
04-25-2015 16:53 by snotty
Comments (0)
If Spiderman really got bit by an actual spider, how come he don't shoot webs out his butt like a real spider?
Kid: How come dinosaurs are extinct? Me: Because Noah put two gay dinosaurs on his ark.
←Rate |
04-25-2015 13:35
Comments (0)
Bruce Jenner comes out as a transgender Republican and trolls on both sides suddenly don't know how to direct their hate.
←Rate |
04-25-2015 12:36
Comments (0)