Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This new season of Ferguson is a Riot.

   The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are....the bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.

   Right now, the only safe place in Baltimore is your nearest KFC.

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore

   How many blacks does it take to start a riot? Minus one.

   I see a couple of police cars were wrecked during last night's riots in Baltimore. Rather short-sighted of the black community, ruining 1 of their methods of public transport like that.

   In Heaven, donuts are glazed on both sides

   This is a lousy dating site.

   I really like the people who say; "60 is the new 40" because I know if I borrow $60 from them, all I have to pay back is $40.

   Guess I guess I should get out of bed this morning, this world isn't going to dissapoint itself.

   Thus far, I have seen no benefit to growing up.

   "Cigarette butts are completely natural, bidegradable, and are in no way whatsoever litter" ~ Smokers

   Sorry your son is so good at cheerleading. I guess that's just the downside of naming him Bryce.

   Headed to the gym, and then to Taco Bell because I like to keep my body guessing if I love it or hate it.

   Getting old means half the fun for twice the hangover.

   "I'm gonna rearrange the alphabet and put "U" and "I" together" ~ Christopher Latham Sholes, inventor of the QWERTY keyboard and only player not totally full of crap.

   Giving me a Miilkbone after sex does not make it "doggy style"

   Sparklers, the turkey bacon of fireworks.

   Just walked into Walmart with a haircut I didn't do myself and they just made me their king.

   I wish I carried myself with the smug, all-knowing arrogance as people who've read all the Game of Thrones books.