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Could you just make my paycheck out to the liquor store? Thanks.
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05-02-2015 08:41 by
Czovczov
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Let's see if Bruce Jenner remains a Republican once he starts making 77 cents on the dollar.
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05-02-2015 07:07
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Kanye West thinks he will win the fight between pacman and Mayweather
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05-02-2015 01:54
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Who wants to see a picture of my toasted bagel with cream cheese. . .
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05-01-2015 23:26 by
JAB
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Never trust a girl who has her own face set as the background of her phone.
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05-01-2015 22:22 by
StonerDudee
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I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
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05-01-2015 21:49 by
snotty
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Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.
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05-01-2015 13:39
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My dad hasn't called with a computer problem in over 48 hours. I'm sending my brother over there to check on them.
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05-01-2015 13:39
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"I bet you $50 I can come on the cab driver's neck before we get there" *Things to say on your phone in a taxi that will cut your drive time in half*
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05-01-2015 13:38
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Take the name of your first pet and add the street that your first pet got ran over on to get your step father's Tinder name.
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05-01-2015 13:37
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A couch potato sounds deliciouis but I'm not gettnig up to make it.
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05-01-2015 13:36
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Better feed that camel toe, its eating your yoga pants.
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05-01-2015 13:36
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I'm starting to believe my toddler's loudest toys are powered by my favorite TV shows.
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05-01-2015 13:36
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People are worried about global warming and social security when the real crisis is that we aren't far from eldery drivers knowing how to text.
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05-01-2015 13:35
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Sorry kids, no wifi this month, our loser neighbor didn't pay his bill.
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05-01-2015 13:35
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Be careful who you bend over backwards for. Some people will just kick you in the nuts.
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05-01-2015 11:55
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My daily goal is to change the world one status at a time. (Sigh) this is how single I am.
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05-01-2015 11:47 by
Rollen
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I can only Facebook for so long. The toilet seat makes my legs go numb.
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05-01-2015 11:03
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My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about how childish I am but she didn't know the password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in
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05-01-2015 07:59 by
@1_Jack_Jacko
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The only time your woman screams your nam ein bed is when you fart in your sleep.
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05-01-2015 05:27 by
Dude
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