Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pants up don't loot!!!

   The protest in Baltimore ended today when the protesters found out they weren't getting paid.

   Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

   automatic doors make me feel like a jedi

   A good way to kill someone with kindness is to strangle them with a sweater you spent weeks knitting for them.

   What's the best frosting for urinal cakes?

   I went to Walmart in my pajamas and came out married to my cousin.

   I don't get women. Also, I don't understand them.

   Everyone is still talking about the Mayweather and Pacquiao fight and I'm just here like Dez caught it.

   My cross-eyed girlfriend left me. She was seeing someone else.

   Thinks the only difference between my job and the Titanic is the Titanic at least had a band!!

   Women should have one of those mood ring stones glued to their forehead.

   I've seen several post fight interviews with Floyd Mayweather. I beez wish Mayweather cud beez talking in da propers englis that literates speaks wif. That said. I won't his cash.

   I guess everyone can stop pretending that they are interested in boxing

   I'm not surprised Mayweather won. After all, he has a punching bag in his bedroom.

   Mayweather Wasn't Hugged as a Child. Since Daddy Went To Prison. That's Why Guys..

   Somebody tell mayweather he is supposed to hug his wife and punch the guy in the ring, not the other way around

   All those hugs at the May-Pac fight last night should have been followed with the referee giving a swift kick to their butts.

   Time to call HBO and tell them my kids ordered this fight by mistake

   Kanye be like "Beyonce should have won that fight."