Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1539 of 6384
Bruce Jenner is my least favoritte Transformer.
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05-14-2015 14:27
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Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty. Judge: What? Me: I had my name changed to Not Guilty. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: *Moonwalks outta there*
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05-14-2015 14:26
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She has a permanent marker addiction. It's written all over her face.
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05-14-2015 13:58 by Nipper
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I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
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05-14-2015 13:28
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"I'm defintely more of a 'go big' than a 'go home' guy" ~ Me to the cashier as she rings up my 30 pack.
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05-14-2015 13:25
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I really like people who don't know how full of crap I really am.
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05-14-2015 13:24
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Men, I don't care about your abs, I do care if you drink lite beer. Keep the belly, drink real beer.
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05-14-2015 13:23
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That's some really cute pink camoflauge. Do you hunt in the Lolipop Woods or the Peppermint Forest?
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05-14-2015 13:23
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At this point in my marriage, I'm willing to trade cunnilingus for the 15 mintues of not having to talk.
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05-14-2015 13:22
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This bottle of Ny-Quil tastes like I'm drinking on the job and getting away with it
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05-14-2015 11:13
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Looking for a job
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05-14-2015 11:12
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Now that prom season is over parents can start focusing on what's important like graduation and their daughters next period.
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05-14-2015 09:49
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Lasagna is a whol elot better once you realize its actually a noodle layer cake with meat filling and cheese frosting.
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05-14-2015 08:45
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Just a reminder that no Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since they force Nickleback on the world.
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05-14-2015 08:37
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I polished my car and now I might go pleasure myself ... wax on/whacks off
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05-14-2015 00:24
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My new restaurant "Eat it or go to your room", makes you feel like a kid again!
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05-13-2015 21:57
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I started to do dishes, and checked Facebook real quick, and that was two years ago.
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05-13-2015 18:54
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I prefer to be on whichever side of the bed the sex is going to be on.
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05-13-2015 18:48
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I do this move in bed called the "Karma Chameleon", where I come and go.
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05-13-2015 18:36
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Jim of all trades was also versatile though not as well known.
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05-13-2015 18:32
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