Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
←Rate | 08-13-2015 07:04 by Puddin Comments (0)  


   messageicon *son walks in on parents* *out of breath* -Daddy & I were just wrestling honey -Ya son, wrestling *dad busts a chair over mom's head*
←Rate | 08-12-2015 17:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've trained my dog to understand sarcasm.
←Rate | 08-12-2015 15:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ask me for directions I got lost on an elevator once.
←Rate | 08-12-2015 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a damn thing.
←Rate | 08-12-2015 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now i'm going to a different cafe.
←Rate | 08-12-2015 07:17 by @1_Jack_Jacko Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which came first? The Pringles can or Tennis ball container?
←Rate | 08-12-2015 04:17 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, if you're in competition to get as many friends on your friends list as possible, post naked pictures of yourself. . .
←Rate | 08-11-2015 23:18 by JAB Comments (2)  


   messageicon Ladies, if you're in compitition to get as many friend on your frinds list, post naked pictures of yourself. . .
←Rate | 08-11-2015 23:16 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
←Rate | 08-11-2015 22:37 by gremlinsd Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weekly I confine my exercises to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck. I have already lost at least 3 friends....
←Rate | 08-11-2015 19:51 by Oregon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A faulty judgement or bad IQ?!
←Rate | 08-11-2015 17:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love: When you still like someone after marriage.
←Rate | 08-11-2015 14:28 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage vows should include no bringing up crap that happened 8 years ago.
←Rate | 08-11-2015 14:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Changed Siri to a male voice,, and now I can't get directions and most of the answers are wrong.
←Rate | 08-11-2015 14:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Geno Smith sucker punched. Out 6-10 weeks. Apparently HE threw the first punch. It was intercepted!!!
←Rate | 08-11-2015 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's all fun and games until your picture is up at all the McDonalds drive thrus in your county. 31
←Rate | 08-11-2015 13:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I like your posted music vids ..99.9 % I never watched it..Sorry I can not lie...
←Rate | 08-11-2015 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The five second rule is exponentially longer when no one else is around...
←Rate | 08-11-2015 13:20 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got a new Epi-pen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it, for some reason.
←Rate | 08-11-2015 12:01 Comments (1)  




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