Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1525 of 6446

I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
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08-13-2015 07:04 by Puddin
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*son walks in on parents* *out of breath* -Daddy & I were just wrestling honey -Ya son, wrestling *dad busts a chair over mom's head*
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08-12-2015 17:48
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I've trained my dog to understand sarcasm.
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08-12-2015 15:54
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Don't ask me for directions I got lost on an elevator once.
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08-12-2015 15:51
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Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a damn thing.
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08-12-2015 15:42
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I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now i'm going to a different cafe.

Which came first? The Pringles can or Tennis ball container?
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08-12-2015 04:17 by gil
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Ladies, if you're in competition to get as many friends on your friends list as possible, post naked pictures of yourself. . .
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08-11-2015 23:18 by JAB
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Ladies, if you're in compitition to get as many friend on your frinds list, post naked pictures of yourself. . .
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08-11-2015 23:16 by JAB
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When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
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08-11-2015 22:37 by gremlinsd
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Weekly I confine my exercises to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck. I have already lost at least 3 friends....
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08-11-2015 19:51 by Oregon
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A faulty judgement or bad IQ?!
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08-11-2015 17:26
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Love: When you still like someone after marriage.
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08-11-2015 14:28 by snotty
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Marriage vows should include no bringing up crap that happened 8 years ago.
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08-11-2015 14:27 by snotty
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I Changed Siri to a male voice,, and now I can't get directions and most of the answers are wrong.
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08-11-2015 14:24 by snotty
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Geno Smith sucker punched. Out 6-10 weeks. Apparently HE threw the first punch. It was intercepted!!!
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08-11-2015 14:08
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It's all fun and games until your picture is up at all the McDonalds drive thrus in your county. 31
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08-11-2015 13:32
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If I like your posted music vids ..99.9 % I never watched it..Sorry I can not lie...
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08-11-2015 13:27
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The five second rule is exponentially longer when no one else is around...
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08-11-2015 13:20 by eengrms
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I just got a new Epi-pen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it, for some reason.
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08-11-2015 12:01
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