Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1524 of 6384
Introverts like to have fun too, we just don't care if you know.
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06-01-2015 08:37
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When pulling out the a nal beads, never say "And the winning powerball numbers are..."
The difference between fetish and felony is googling ahead of time.
“First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell
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05-31-2015 22:04 by snotty
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Come to think of it,,, I've never found a hair in my food at a Brazilian restaurant.
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05-31-2015 19:54 by snotty
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Does anyone know how to change the difficulty setting on getting the sex?
Tetris but one piece is shaped liked you and it doesn't fit anywhere.
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05-31-2015 17:29
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We're told constantly to follow our dreams. Well, my dream is to thwart every single other human's dream. :HR Department
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05-31-2015 17:16 by @Tuxxer
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Beauty, brains or emotionally stable. You only get 2 guys so choose wisely!!
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05-31-2015 16:31
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Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
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05-31-2015 12:18
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I wonder if women can hear the magnificent sounds of the symphony orchestra when their bra is removed...
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05-31-2015 12:14
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Frankly auto correct,I'm getting tired of your shirt.
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05-31-2015 12:12
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Actually, Jon Bon Jovi, it's Courtney that gave 'Love' a bad name
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05-31-2015 12:02
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Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can't change a tire for sh*t.
Back in my day recess was where they sent us to play on a rusty death trap and now kids can't eat gluten.
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05-31-2015 07:47 by huck
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Many yard sales happening here today, some hard to distinguish from "we had a fight so I threw his stuff out the window onto the lawn."
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
Was there ever a time where secretly giving "bunny ears" in a photo was actually funny?
Screw the name "Geoff"! If you're named Geoff go to the courthouse right now and change it to Jeff. Take accountability, make this right
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05-31-2015 07:26
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Post something very nice and flattering about someone. Then, after they thank you, change it to something dirty!!
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05-30-2015 23:08
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