Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1508 of 6446

I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
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09-14-2015 11:22
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What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Face book?
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09-13-2015 19:49 by snotty
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7 years ago I met the love of my life and have been blessed every day since then... I love you Nutella.
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09-13-2015 16:10
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Your feet & the inside of your car tell me everything about a woman.
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09-13-2015 08:02
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I find it extremely ironic that "strap on" is "no parts" spelled backwards.
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09-13-2015 05:22
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Behind every beautiful girl is the ugly relationship that made her scared to love again
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09-12-2015 23:18 by BEGO
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Before you knew it, the here and now was 30 yrs ago. . .
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09-12-2015 22:22 by JAB
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When your surrounded by enemies the only thing to do is pull the pin on your grenade and smile!
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09-12-2015 19:03
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Pee is the enemy of sleep

Talk to your kids about drugs. No, seriously. They have better connections.
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09-12-2015 11:17
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sees influx of duck face pics. *Unholsters NES Zapper
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09-12-2015 09:37
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Yesterday,, Someone once tried to break into my taxidermy studio,,, but I fought them off with my bear hands.
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09-12-2015 01:56 by snotty
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FYI,, I'm Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad,,, but not suspicious.
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09-11-2015 23:16 by snotty
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Nothing motivates me faster to clean my garage than the threat of a hail storm.
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09-11-2015 22:30 by IPLSPORTS
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I want to become a Human smuggler and I want my code name to be Mister Smuggleuffigus .
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09-11-2015 21:33
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There are kinds of countries. Those that use the metric system, and those that have walked on the moon
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09-11-2015 00:37
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Fantasy Football starts now. I'm sorry honey. I will talk to you after football season. Love you Jamie wallis
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09-10-2015 20:39
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I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance....by leaving the scene of the accident.
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09-10-2015 15:32
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Our Smart phones are making us Dumb!!
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09-10-2015 15:01
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My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when I was your age..” and then describing what I did 3 days ago