santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE : 1. You believe in santa. 2. You don't believe in santa. 3. You are santa. 4. You look like santa.

   "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?

   I believe in Santa! but I'm not so sure if he believes in me?

   "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.

   My children want a cat for Christmas ... Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it can make them happy!

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.

   "Wow, Santa! Have you lost some weight? And have you been working out? I can sure tell...Because you look great for your age!" Rudolph The Brown Nose Reindeer

   There are four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus 3) You are Santa Claus 4) You look like Santa Claus

   Just for the record: If your single and planning on asking me out this close to Christmas the only thing you'll be getting from me is a book, which will be do back at the libary just after the new years.

   A Nightmare on Elm Street is a Christmas movie. Freddy wears a red and green sweater, and gives parents the gift of taking away their crippling financial burden.

   Never buy my grandchildren's christmas presents in november. They really seem fun...and Christmas is in more than a month...oh what the heck: I have to try them. It's party time!

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. You should worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. :-)

   Lets all say a prayer for Bill Clinton after watching the Monica interview his holidays will suck

   A recent study found that the possibly of work place violence increases significantly when someone puts Christmas music on the office radio in mid-November.

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   With all the Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas iteam for sale at the sametime in the stores they should call it Hallogivemas sale.

   I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

   “Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada

   You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

   FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.