Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1496 of 6446

You know the ZZ Top song, Sharp Dressed Man? I stop singing after "every girls crazy"
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10-07-2015 16:24 by MWC
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Proximo Gobernador de Antioquia

Why don't you go live in one of those other nations jackass you wouldn't last 10 minutes
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10-07-2015 12:06
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There are some people you'll never see again, but they're never the right ones.
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10-07-2015 04:37
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Not to cause a panic but i'm starting to think we're running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
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10-07-2015 04:34
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I don't have a thigh gap because I have this other gap on my face where I put delicious foods and beverages.
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10-07-2015 02:18
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*learns the pole vault Jumps out of the friend-zone*
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10-07-2015 01:52
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Just found a new app that tells you which of your friends are family are racist, it is called facebook.
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10-07-2015 00:32 by Zinc
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This fish is so raw it's starting to swim in my soup.
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10-06-2015 23:39
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This chicken is so uncooked that a skilled vet could still save him
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10-06-2015 23:34
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You have 200 pics of only your face on Facebook? You must be so thin...
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10-06-2015 23:29
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Me: So, what do you do for a living? Her: I flip houses. Me: You must have incredible lower back strength.
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10-06-2015 19:20 by snotty
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If you hold an empty Old Spice bottle to your ear, you can hear your grandpa complaining that someone touched the thermostat.
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10-06-2015 19:16 by snotty
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Your password must contain 2 capital letters, the pilot script from Friends, Hulk Hogans home phone number and an enlightenment spell
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10-06-2015 18:53 by snotty
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Some of you ladies really need more practice hiding your crazy, at least until he marries you.

If I was a secret Agent.. I'd probably tell everyone..
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10-06-2015 13:02
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If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine.
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10-06-2015 00:39
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lam - where sex with a goat makes sense but eating a pig doesn't.
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10-05-2015 23:17
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Lorena Bobbitt moved to Russia. Her new name is Ivana Kutchacokov.
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10-05-2015 20:00
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I hate when people take my glasses and say "Wow! You really can't see!" I'm like no kidding. I don't take a person's wheelchair and say "Wow! You really can't walk!"
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10-05-2015 19:48
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