Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1496 of 6452

My nakedness is irrelevant to you at this point
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10-15-2015 23:57
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I am tired of living in the Divided States Of America
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10-15-2015 22:19
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Just overheard this damn near 65 year old lady say, "I'm still single cuz I ain't met the right man yet." Thought to myself, "Oh, you gonna meet him soon. His name is Jesus..."
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10-15-2015 18:11 by Scmc1st
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They can quit giving me phone books. Just saying

I need to stop lying to myself !!! This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween !

Recommended doses aren't the boss of me.
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10-15-2015 17:34
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And then her mood ring just...exploded.
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10-15-2015 17:23
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We had the kind of love that lasted till our phones died.
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10-15-2015 17:17
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She was full-figured, and I loved her in spite of the extra duct tape I had to buy.
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10-15-2015 17:16
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The genie that I rubbed to get my three wishes was not a genie at all. Anyone got bail money?
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10-15-2015 15:20 by Psycho
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Old world problems were to get crumbs from the computer keyboard... new world problems removing the crumbs that fall between the glass plate and smartphone case
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10-15-2015 13:26
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Where are all the Cubs fans now?
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10-15-2015 10:30
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I am so happy one of my favourite things is about to start, the ALC series. Another one of my favourite things begins with ALC, ALCOHOL!
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10-15-2015 08:44
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You condemn me as the devil himself in an attempt to erase my spark But since the devil don't exist where I am, he could only be where you are

I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I'm bored.
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10-15-2015 01:04 by Czovczov
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Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-
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10-14-2015 15:26 by SEAN
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If a guy don't text you back, he's probably reading the bible or volunteering at an animal shelter. Men don't cheat, idk who lied to y'all.

Maybe I'm old school, but I like women with eyebrows actually made out of hair.

I hate snakes, mainly because they have no feet- you could say I am lack-toes intolerant...
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10-14-2015 14:32 by SEAN
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The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
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10-14-2015 14:09 by SEAN
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