Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love having marital relations. My wife knows what I like and I know what she won't do!
←Rate | 10-16-2015 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon God saying to Eve "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it" was prove that even he makes mistakes #talkingtoawoman"
←Rate | 10-16-2015 04:33 Comments (1)  


   messageicon whenever I see a can of Glen 20, I think to myself "do you reckon that's Ben 10's older brother?" Then I laugh. And wonder how other people put up with me.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 01:20 by RikkiSowtz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am tired of thinking for myself, bring on the socialism.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 00:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My nakedness is irrelevant to you at this point
←Rate | 10-15-2015 23:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am tired of living in the Divided States Of America
←Rate | 10-15-2015 22:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just overheard this damn near 65 year old lady say, "I'm still single cuz I ain't met the right man yet." Thought to myself, "Oh, you gonna meet him soon. His name is Jesus..."
←Rate | 10-15-2015 18:11 by Scmc1st Comments (0)  


   messageicon They can quit giving me phone books. Just saying
←Rate | 10-15-2015 18:01 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to stop lying to myself !!! This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween !
←Rate | 10-15-2015 17:58 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recommended doses aren't the boss of me.
←Rate | 10-15-2015 17:34 Comments (1)  


   messageicon And then her mood ring just...exploded.
←Rate | 10-15-2015 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We had the kind of love that lasted till our phones died.
←Rate | 10-15-2015 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She was full-figured, and I loved her in spite of the extra duct tape I had to buy.
←Rate | 10-15-2015 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The genie that I rubbed to get my three wishes was not a genie at all. Anyone got bail money?
←Rate | 10-15-2015 15:20 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old world problems were to get crumbs from the computer keyboard... new world problems removing the crumbs that fall between the glass plate and smartphone case
←Rate | 10-15-2015 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where are all the Cubs fans now?
←Rate | 10-15-2015 10:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am so happy one of my favourite things is about to start, the ALC series. Another one of my favourite things begins with ALC, ALCOHOL!
←Rate | 10-15-2015 08:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You condemn me as the devil himself in an attempt to erase my spark But since the devil don't exist where I am, he could only be where you are
←Rate | 10-15-2015 08:32 by Will Iam Not Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I'm bored.
←Rate | 10-15-2015 01:04 by Czovczov Comments (0)  




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