Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1487 of 6384
So, after 40 years of marriage will g@y guys start referring to their spouses as "The Old Balls and Chain?"
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07-10-2015 07:27
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Why don't the Greeks make p 0rn? Because there is no money shot.
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07-10-2015 07:05
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gene pools are man made...nobody is worried about your threats. repent
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07-10-2015 02:12
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I came up with a plan to help people with debt, it's called "Don't buy s*it you can't afford it!"
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07-09-2015 23:43
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Women are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
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07-09-2015 23:32
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HER: ''You never listen to me!'' HIM: ''Of course they will!''
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07-09-2015 23:29
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The movie demolition man, is coming true.
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07-09-2015 22:59
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I love seeing all these tolerant people bashing religion!
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07-09-2015 21:33
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Feeling sad is better than not feeling at all. unless you into your feelings....
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07-09-2015 20:56 by jitney
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Why must I prove I'm me, if I'm callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
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07-09-2015 19:43 by Jitney
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When asked what's the capital of Greece? Greece is bankrupt and it has no capital.
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07-09-2015 19:36 by Jitney
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I guess I probably shouldn't have said I masturbate to your wife, but I thought the rest of my Best Man speech was really heart-felt.
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07-09-2015 15:09
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When a woman says shes, "old fashioned" I just assume she wears giant underwear and has a tremendous amount of pubic hair.
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07-09-2015 15:07
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Old MacDonald had a farm... and a redheaded goth son named Ronald, that did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.
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07-09-2015 15:06
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Running is my second favorite activity that leaves me sweaty and out of breat and disapointed I couldn't last longer.
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07-09-2015 15:05
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You know youre getting older when your back goes out more than you do
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07-09-2015 15:04
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Dating: Bang her like there's no tomorrow. Married: Bang her like she finally said, "Fine, do what you have to. Just hurry up"
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07-09-2015 15:04
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GUY 1: Why can’t we skip rope without society judging us? GUY 2: What if we occasionally beat the crap out of each other? Boxing is born.
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07-09-2015 14:01 by Baddie
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The safest place to live in your neighborhood is next door to the serial killer.
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07-09-2015 14:00
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Don't flatter yourself, some people will "LIKE' anything just to get into your pants.
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07-09-2015 13:46
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