Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Welcome back Marty McFly...and Dr. Emmett Brown ...Great scott.!!!

   So who is going to go see Jaws 19 in 3d with me tonight?

   If there was an earthquake today, Marty McFly wouldn't notice.

   Who cares if its back to the future day The real version is Marty is on welfare and Doc is in jail for touching little boys.

   People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world

   Hey people who actaully spend money on selfie sticks; since you like buying dumb sh*t, I am also selling ...

   it safe to snort coffee grinds? Asking for a friend..

   I'd like a boob job. Like, a job where I just look at boobs all day.

   When your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, your pants are tucked into your shirt. Think about it.

   Bring back cheap smokes and the stubby bottle, there's a Trudeau driving Canada again

   A woman told me that I was right today. Did hell finally freeze over?

   Avoiding responsibility one bottle of vodka at a time.

   Welcome to the Dark Side,we have..........food stamps.

   The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses....

   Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.

   I was driving Home when I saw a Hitch Hiker holding a sign that said, "Heaven Bound." .......... Me being the Good Samaritan that I am, drove completely out of my way ......... To hit Him ......... I'm glad I could help him On his Way.

   WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE ......... WE HAVE ...... well, I'm not sure WHAT we have actually ....... it is Very Dark in here.

   Wow ........ turns out, any Room is a Panic Room .......... when you've had 5 Cups of Coffee and a Bran Muffin!

   "And what kind of cheese do you want on that?".. My mom: "All of it?"

   Son: Dad, what's a hypocrite?.... Me: It's when an idiot wants to change the name of a football team while putting Aunt Jemima syrup on waffles.