Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1474 of 6446

I love my women like I love my Keurig coffee, disposable after a single use.
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11-11-2015 08:10
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If you have enough cash, you can humiliate and take the dignity of any woman you want.
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11-11-2015 07:46
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I never leave the house because my phone charger cord isn't long enough.
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11-11-2015 00:39
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what if I am a high ranking illuminatii and dont even know it
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11-10-2015 23:40 by Danny T
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CAN I JUST GET A DAMM CUP OF COFFEE?

OK WHERE CAN I EAT AT AND NOT PISS EVERYBODY OFF?

Yep, no one will notice you're fat if you use a dog or little kids for a profile pic.
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11-10-2015 21:24
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I just want to find a radio station that isn't playing the new Adele song,,,, is that too much to ask.
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11-10-2015 19:59 by snotty
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Shut up about the red cup and drink your fkn coffee. #StarbucksRedCup
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11-10-2015 18:30
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When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"
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11-10-2015 17:33 by Mike
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You have 200 pictures of only your face? You must be sooooo thin.
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11-10-2015 17:26
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Tom Cruise is calling for boycott of McDonalds because there isn't enough pictures of L. Ron Hubbard on the McNugget box..... See how stupid it sounds when it's not your religion?
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11-10-2015 15:50 by eengrms
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I like my women like I like my golf scores. In the 80s with a slight handicap.
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11-10-2015 15:07
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I love my women like I love my coffee beans. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
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11-10-2015 15:06
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When you text me and ask me what I'm doing and I tell you "nothing", that isn't an open invitation for you to suggest things for me to do. I already have plans. I'm doing NOTHING!!

Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
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11-10-2015 13:18
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My wife found out that I was cheating. How? She found the letters I'd been hiding. She got real mad and said she'd never play Scrabble with me ever again.
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11-10-2015 12:05
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My wife started clipping coupons to help save us money. She keeps them in her $300 Coach purse.
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11-10-2015 12:02
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man merely a mistake of G0d's? Or G0d merely a mistake of man?
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11-10-2015 11:58
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Slept alone last night. Very nice. You would be surprised how many girls snore.
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11-10-2015 11:29
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