Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There is no such thing as 'American English'. There is English and there are mistakes.

   Be right with you, I'm not quite through disappointing this person yet.

   (An news article comment) "I'm going to go online and complain about this" watch the replies

   White privilege is how Amy Winehouse was considered a misunderstood soul and Whitney Houston was considered a crackhead.

   I wonder if prostitutes from India tells their coustomers "Thank you cum again"?

   I love my women like I love my whisky: twenty years old and mixed up with coke.

   It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. The police call it "Indecent Exposure" but whatever.....

   No matter how much lice shampoo I use it doesn't provide the sheen or volume that I get when I wash my lice with regular shampoo.

   If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary

   I'm someones reason to drink

   Last time there was this much crap over a cup there were two girls involved

   We don't care about your taste in women and cups of coffee. Thank you.

   I am a US Veteran. I didn't do it for the thank you's or the free stuff. I did it because I wasn't college material.

   I like my women like.oh never mind its all the same in the dark

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   I do understand women, but I don't know how to explain them to you.

   I really should get out of this destructive relationship, and find someone better, but I'd hate to mess up a good thing.

   What do you mean you're pregnant? We slept on the pull out bed.

   SOB...Get me a drink

   I like my women like I like my online forms, easy to submit.