Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's cute how you all call them "weddings" instead of prison sentencings

   Excuse me while I go slip into something more alcohol.

   wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing monkey? me hanging a tire swing in the kitchen: not a clue.

   You know who else who waits 7 hours to reply to a text with "lol"? SATAN

   Don't call each other BAE and act all surprised when that relationship doesn't go anywhere.

   I know I should be sad and worried about Trump but I confess I am surprised and delighted in this country's capacity to keep a joke going...

   I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I'll get ripped in 15 minutes

   Bath tubs - 2, Houston's - 0.

   It's such a shame when someone dies of a drug overdose in the bath when all they were trying to do was get clean

   Well Bobbi Kristina Brown did say she wanted to follow in her mothers footsteps.

   Whitney Houston has been reunited with her daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, hopefully together they can both rest in peace. ‪

   Last year it was the ice bucket challenge. This year it's the bucket of hot coals challenge. You go first. . .

   A statue of Satan was unveiled in Detroit. It doesn't seem to be very accurate though, because it looks nothing like my ex-wife.

   Bobbi Kristina, I'm sure you are at peace. Maybe now the rest of us can get some peace from that drama-filled family of yours.

   And the award for Best Whitney Houston Impression goes to....... Bobbi Kristina

   The information age, does anyone else find it just a little bit ironic that it has produced so many uninformed people.

   Obama, He's over in Kenya lecturing them on Gay rights, but three days ago ISIS threw two men from a roof and then stoned them to death for being gay and he never said a word

   Sadly,,, If your neighbor has wind chimes you have wind chimes

   Putting sunscreen on the neighbors solar panel

   SUSAN: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective... We should split up.. . ME: Good idea,,, that way we can cover more ground