Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon 'm trying to learn to be a Magician.. But I have a question. Is it pulling a rabbit out of a hat or a hat out of the rabbit ?
←Rate | 11-22-2015 16:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman says, do what you want,under any circumstance do not do what you want
←Rate | 11-22-2015 15:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....
←Rate | 11-22-2015 15:17 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't need a safe word, but you will.
←Rate | 11-22-2015 13:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest problem I see with Adele's relationship in her new song is that she needs to stop calling and start texting instead.
←Rate | 11-22-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon California has the highest rate of Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.
←Rate | 11-22-2015 09:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 manufacturers who were the lowest bidder. Anyways...have safe flights over the Thanksgiving holidayΒ 
←Rate | 11-22-2015 07:44 by Mike Youngman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Fortune Cookie for Today: A long-forgotten loved one will soon come back into your life. Buy the negatives at any price.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 19:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is it that I want out of life? An apology would be a good start.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 19:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't sign up for the 401K at work. There is no way I can run that far in the shape I'm in.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 19:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI,,,, My grandma hides blue cookies in the back of her toilet.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 18:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone know where I can get more Lite Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my will.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 18:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know, if Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here!
←Rate | 11-21-2015 15:35 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!
←Rate | 11-21-2015 13:07 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon SCOOBY DOO taught us that all the REAL monsters ARE human... πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š
←Rate | 11-21-2015 13:04 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is Kim K. like KFC? After you've finished with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. πŸ—πŸ–πŸ€‘πŸ€‘πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
←Rate | 11-21-2015 12:58 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone... πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
←Rate | 11-21-2015 12:57 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "feel horrible I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfec
←Rate | 11-21-2015 12:55 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the next couple of weeks is when those Ocean Spray sales execs really meet their quotas.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 09:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor told me he childproofed his house. And the very next day his wife came home with a newborn... Worst... Childproofer... Ever.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 09:08 by snotty Comments (0)  




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