Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.

   LIFE HACK: Just eat your burrito over a tortilla,,, anything that falls out, will simply start building your next burrito

   I wonder if Caitlyn Jenner dared to go as Bruce Jenner for Halloween.

   'm trying to learn to be a Magician.. But I have a question. Is it pulling a rabbit out of a hat or a hat out of the rabbit ?

   When a woman says, do what you want,under any circumstance do not do what you want

   Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....

   I don't need a safe word, but you will.

   The biggest problem I see with Adele's relationship in her new song is that she needs to stop calling and start texting instead.

   California has the highest rate of Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.

   Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 manufacturers who were the lowest bidder. Anyways...have safe flights over the Thanksgiving holiday 

   Your Fortune Cookie for Today: A long-forgotten loved one will soon come back into your life. Buy the negatives at any price.

   What is it that I want out of life? An apology would be a good start.

   I didn't sign up for the 401K at work. There is no way I can run that far in the shape I'm in.

   FYI,,,, My grandma hides blue cookies in the back of her toilet.

   Does anyone know where I can get more Lite Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my will.

   You know, if Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here!

   "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!

   SCOOBY DOO taught us that all the REAL monsters ARE human... 🙈🙉🙊

   Why is Kim K. like KFC? After you've finished with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 🍗🍖🤑🤑😂😂😂

   A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone... 💍💍💍😂😂😂