Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1457 of 6384
Actually, Yes! I do want to see a picture of your Mother-In-Law Eli. Your wife is hot!
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08-21-2015 12:51
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Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
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08-21-2015 12:48
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Dam it I have to break up with her in person? Isn't there an easier way?" -Alexander Graham Bell, probably.
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08-21-2015 12:11
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If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that's just me flirting
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08-21-2015 01:31
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It usually goes like this. 1: wreck myself. 2: check myself
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08-21-2015 00:46
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Its no coincidence that my internet addiction started on the same day I got married.
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08-21-2015 00:39
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Whew, I was worried they hacked the Dolly Madison site and everyone would find out about my chocolate Zingers addiction.
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08-20-2015 23:49
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[Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]
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08-20-2015 20:49 by snotty
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[live debate] What's your stance on gun control?.......... *poses like a Charlie's Angel.......next question
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08-20-2015 19:47 by snotty
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Ever think about an old friend and wonder what they're doing right now? They're playing on their phone. Everyone is playing on their phone!
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08-20-2015 18:28
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[high school reunion] Him: I'm a doctor Her: I'm a lawyer Him: What do you do? Me: PEOPLE VALIDATE ME ON THE INTERNET..
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08-20-2015 16:41
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My Nephew asked me if I knew anything about Galileo .... "Do I" I said, "I know he was a Poor Boy that Nobody loved, from a Poor Family."
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08-20-2015 05:03
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I like my women like I like my coffee.. in a burlap sack shipped over from a 3rd world country
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08-20-2015 05:00
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I've never had sex with a ten but I'm wondering if two fives count.
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08-19-2015 21:38
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I like my woman like I like my beer; brown, smooth, and goes down without any problems.
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08-19-2015 21:16
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I like my women like I like my sentences, without periods!
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08-19-2015 21:13
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I don't use alcohol as a crutch. It's more like a motorized wheelchair.
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08-19-2015 20:14
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Sesame Street has moved to HBO and promise to contain some shocking spoilers, like how to get there.
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08-19-2015 19:30 by Jimmy F.
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Jared began and ended his career trying to get into smaller pants
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08-19-2015 19:27
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I've been trying to leave Rome for weeks,,, but all their roads have this weird design flaw.
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08-19-2015 19:13 by snotty
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