Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My condolences to you and your family who's grandmother was actually ran over by a reindeer....I understand your grief, and the pain from the yearly reminder from the inconsiderate song....
←Rate | 12-03-2015 00:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the good old days when “self-checkout” was faster and less complicated and called “shoplifting.”
←Rate | 12-02-2015 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tell you,The high cost of living ain't nothing like the cost of living high !
←Rate | 12-02-2015 22:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon *looks at calendar*.. *looks at stomach*. *looks at calendar*.. Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this Christmas.
←Rate | 12-02-2015 15:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Poops without drinking coffee first*.... it's a FESTIVUS miracle
←Rate | 12-02-2015 14:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know,, the 'ueue' in 'queue' is silent?
←Rate | 12-02-2015 14:53 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: an Owl's head can rotate up to 840°, before it comes off in your hand.
←Rate | 12-02-2015 14:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [At the zoo] Llama spits in my face,, I spit in llamas face,, Llama slaps me,, I grab llamas hair,, Scuffle ensues,, Llamas girlfriend shouts "leave it Gary!"
←Rate | 12-02-2015 14:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Liver: This month is gonna be tough. hang in there and stay strong buddy.
←Rate | 12-02-2015 13:59 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.
←Rate | 12-02-2015 12:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can only assume the next 4 weeks are incredibly difficult for people who's grandmother's were actually run over by reindeer. ..
←Rate | 12-02-2015 06:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The dream if free. The hustle is sold separately.
←Rate | 12-01-2015 23:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My daughter's school was closed for fog??... Hey,, Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & my principal would be like... "Ummm,, 2-hour delay"
←Rate | 12-01-2015 19:35 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *gets pulled over... COP: "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"... [I've swapped places with the dog]... ME: "Jake, answer the man"
←Rate | 12-01-2015 19:28 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon What valuable lesson did you learn from the chubby white B-list comedian on the stool?
←Rate | 12-01-2015 16:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon welcome to HIdDen mEssages club. please help yourself To tHE snacks By the dOor and we’ll get starteD shortlY.
←Rate | 12-01-2015 15:43 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know your not much of a Christmas shopper anymore, when your still using some of the same wrapping paper you had 3 years ago . 🎁 🎁🎁 🎁
←Rate | 12-01-2015 14:18 Comments (1)  


   messageicon In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.
←Rate | 12-01-2015 14:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anti-psychotics, but for religious fanatics.
←Rate | 12-01-2015 13:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I'm afraid of the lights.
←Rate | 12-01-2015 11:01 Comments (0)  




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