Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   FYI: A group of meth labs is called a "Missouri."

   In the future we will type with our toes to keep our hands free for punching robots.

   All you have to do is copy and paste this status and FB will award 200 on people. FB is such a great mode of transporting lies to the naive.

   Jesus was born in october. Just saying...

   i'm offened that people get offened

   I'm an adult and I still believe in Santa clause, I figure why not? There's still adults who believe in Obama.

   Cousins are Cool to see, Impossible to Forget and True to your heart.

   Tim Burton films used to be deep, now they're just depp.

   Just when I thought I'd never get the chance to hear a Presidential candidate say "schlong"..

   I would win Dean's Award if Steve Harvey hosted my graduation.

   Relationship status: I don't need love. I need money right now.

   You are having sex before marriage but when it comes to enjoying this bacon all of sudden ‘religion’ doesn't allow

   my girlfriend told me she’s leaving me because of my Justin Beiber obsession, I responded “sorry, what do you mean?”

   I tweeted to Steve Harvey tonight that he was still my favorite all-time host of Family Feud; but two and a half minutes later I tweeted again to tell him it is actually Richard Dawson

   white privilege is Adam Sandler still being allowed to make movies.

   I've never seen grown men more upset over a Disney Movie in my life.

   So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off,, and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.

   HI, MY NAME IS JOHN ITS BEEN OVER 3 MONTHS SINCE MY LAST LOWER CASE LETTER... I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS, ITS A DAY TO DAY BATTLE, BUT I COULDNT DO IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS.

   If you ask for plastic grocery bags in Whole Foods, they put one over your head & suffocate you with it.

   secretly wishing that Steve Garvey will someday be announcing winners of UFC cage matches.