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When reality comes knocking, I make tequila answers the door.
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09-01-2015 14:34 by
Czovczov
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I got in touch with my feminine side today by burning a house down over a text message
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09-01-2015 14:07
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"Welcome to Costco, I love you."
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09-01-2015 13:01
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Men are problem solvers, women are problem creators...
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09-01-2015 12:01 by
eengrms
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I'd have sex with Martha Stewart just for the amazing breakfast she would make the next morning.
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09-01-2015 11:52
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Funny how you don't see Oprah or Bigfoot in the same room.
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09-01-2015 11:52
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I haven't heard anything about Farmville lately. Did those guys sell out to Monsanto?
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09-01-2015 09:51
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Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes"?
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09-01-2015 09:50
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My wife and I got a book on how to spice up our love life. One suggestion was to make love in a car wash. It was great but it really pissed off those people doing their church fund raiser.
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09-01-2015 09:50
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Happy 35th Birthday Pac-Man!
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09-01-2015 08:25
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My Uber driver almost crashed twice. 5 stars. Very exciting.
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08-31-2015 23:44 by
snotty
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I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name
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08-31-2015 22:07 by
BEGO
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I wonder if, Wes Craven died in his sleep....Or did he go out with a Scream?
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08-31-2015 12:26 by
Lil-David
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if Kanye did become president, the first lady will be. . . let that sit in
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08-31-2015 12:03 by
randygalaxy
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Hope you're feeling OK after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.
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08-31-2015 10:02
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2020 will be like any other election...Kanye will vote for Kanye
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08-31-2015 02:15 by
Eddy
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You knew how I chew when you agreed to marry me.
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08-31-2015 01:58 by
Czovczov
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Kanye even went as far to become a Kardashian to get into the spotlight.
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08-31-2015 00:50
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Taylor should Have Grab The Mic from Kanye west and Said "im sorry, but MLK jr. Had the best speech of all time"
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08-31-2015 00:30 by
VamNate
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it in bad taste to ask if Wes Craven died in his sleep?
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08-30-2015 22:54
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