Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know someone's having a little too much fun at your party , when they mistake your dogs Kong for a buttplug .

   If old french fries were weapons,,, I would be able to kill anyone trying to carjack me

   Do the villains in Scooby-Doo know they have the right to remain silent?

   From the Paris Climate Change Conference: Santa is required to put solar panels in the stockings of naughty kids.

   I have no problem getting S3X...the tough part is deciding which hand to use.

   The thing that disturbs me the most about social media,is when I see a woman from the high school days who didn't age very well, and I think to myself, "Man, I can't believe I zherked off to that."

   Luke Skywalker is barely in the end of the movie and doesn't say a word. it just rolls to the credits.. womp womp

   SPOILER: Ren & Stimpy kill Yoda.

   Everyone picks their nose. It is what you do with it that defines you as a person.

   Han Solo gets killed by his son Kylo Ren.. You're welcome

   A Christmas tree isn't going to be the only thing lit this holiday season

   Not everyone in the front row is a fan. Your biggest hater will disguise themselves as a friend so that they can get closest to you and strike at close range.

   my favorite coffee is made from the shutthehellup bean 😡

   Spoiler alert: Han Solo DIES

   I ' this close to trade 24 hours without hearing about Star Wars for 24 hours of Adele's ''Hello'' in loop on radio.

   Han Solo is killed by his son, Kylo Ren. Luke doesn't say anything and has 30 seconds of screentime. Kylo Ren survives the explosion at the end, leaving it set up for him to be the villain in the next movie.

   For everyone doing your Facebook "year in review..." No one gives a fu@k

   Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context

   have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Butler .

   I have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Buttler .