Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   * Throws dart... ME: Let's vacation wherever this dart lands... * Dart misses map and lands in kittylitter box... ME: OK,,, Mexico it is then

   Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?

   Binary math is as easy as 01 10 11

   Teach your child what's going on in the world by telling them Santa was killed in a drone strike in a no fly zone; or he's being held up in the vetting process.

   That Star Wars movie was BS! No Capt. Kirk! No Spock! No Scotty....Not even the Enterprise...😡

   Just an FYI, whether I know you or not if you're a guy and you send me a friend request and your profile picture is you in a mirror shirtless mmm bye bye.

   What's the shelf life of an Elf on a shelf ?

   The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that in the long run, sex for money usually costs a lot less.

   My Mother in law Joined ISIS this morning.. She leaves tomorrow on a suicide mission.. At least that's what the papers I just signed said ..

   That moment when ya reach down t'ween your legs to pull the handle to slide your car seat forward, but it won't move, so you keep try over and over to only realize that from the outside it probably looks like you're vigorously humping your own forearm

   Why is it that a lot of the people who think everyone is too easily offended these days act like you just insulted their mother by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?

   I'm not bragging, but I wear the same size earing I used to wear in Junior high ..

   Some idiot posted spoilers and totally ruined my Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip experience

   Wait... what? Han is now gay and that is why Leai goes on the suicide mission where she dies?

   If I don't catch you sniffing a pair of my panties, are we really even cousins?

   ♪ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   If you like Star Wars. Your Special. Will you fix my Computer!!!!??

   Am I crazy or a ...?!

   Star Wars is out Bar Scene is dead Thanks a lot Harrison Ford.

   to anyone who spoils the movie, you'll feel my Han...Solo