Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1444 of 6384
[WIFE] I'm going to fold your laundry so hard. [ME] You think you can handle one more load? - Laundry Sext
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09-19-2015 12:04
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How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
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09-19-2015 08:38 by Czovczov
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I think the worst fate would be a mime stuck in an actual soundproof invisible box.
The internet completely changed the way I avoid doing stuff
The heaviest things in the world: 4) iron 3) lead 2) tungsten 1) a toddler who doesn’t want to be picked up
AC/DC concerts are where old people like to get together and show off their jean jackets.
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09-18-2015 18:27
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I thought my wife said she was into butt sex...... Turns out she is into everything BUT sex.
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09-18-2015 18:25
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I just figured it out,, Conspiracy theorists are pobably just people who never got over finding out that wrestling was fake.
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09-18-2015 16:10 by snotty
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Actualy, I'm dying for Trump to make it to the primary so we can see all the horrible things he says about each state he loses in one by one.
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09-18-2015 16:05 by snotty
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We have a presidential election coming up... And I think the big problem, of course, is someone will win.
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09-18-2015 15:59 by snotty
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China, China, ChinaChinaChina...I know China. <<< Donald Trump!
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09-18-2015 10:50 by DJT
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*brings vuvuzela to knife fight.......... *gets stabbed by everybody on both sides
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09-18-2015 08:04 by snotty
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The Olive Garden is bringing back its “Pasta Pass,” which lets you eat as much pasta as you want for seven weeks. In a related story, Chris Christie just suspended his campaign.
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09-17-2015 17:28 by Mark M
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A classic model Bentley owned by Keith Richards sold over the weekend for $1.2 million and features a secret compartment for storing drugs. The compartment is called Keith Richards.
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09-17-2015 17:26 by Mark M
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I am claiming everything ever written by Author Unknown !
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09-17-2015 16:43 by JAB
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If my mom taught me anything, it’s how to day drink.
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09-17-2015 15:10
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I am woman, hear me misinterpret
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09-17-2015 14:58
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Nothing!!!!! ~ Women who are FINE
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09-17-2015 14:58
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Wearing a visor is like trying to get laid with the difficulty setting on expert.
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09-17-2015 14:48
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If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
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09-17-2015 14:44
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