Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo...♪ ♫ ♩ ♬

   "Donald Trump for President" - Steve Harvey

   We asked 100 people (top ten answers on the board), "Who will never host live TV ever again?!"

   Let's hope they don't hire Steve Harvey to announce who our next president will be.

   Will we be ushering in the year 2016 or 2015S

   Steve Harvey got high with Colombians and made a mistakes.

   Anyone at the self checkout you get an employee discount

   Has anyone ever noticed that Caitlin Jenner has man hands? So not sexy.

   In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Hillary Rodham Clinton

   Steve Harvey officiated my 1st wedding... he was SO wrong!

   In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski.

   I don't even think it's possible for a bear to cook porridge.

   It's so frustrating when your hitman doesn't answer the phone after you've made amends with someone

   Has anyone ever noticed that Caitlin Jenner has man hands?

   If $ex is a pain in the a$$ you're doing it wrong, that's not what that hole is for. . .

   While at self check out... "Do I get an employee discount, now?"

   OK...WHO PUT TURBOLAX IN MY COFFEE ? I had Other crap to do today !

   All I want for Cristmas is to go to Walmart and there be no people

   lamophobia is the new Race Card.

   Saying there is a huge azz line at Wal-mart is both ambiguous and redundant.