Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1436 of 6446

I was going to join the Hug-A-Cactus foundation but, I hear they deal with alot of pricks.
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01-03-2016 19:00
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I don't like Hot Pockets at all. But I imagine that people who like scalding the roof of their mouths while getting diarrhea all in the same day probably love them.
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01-03-2016 15:43
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When eating her from behind you know you're doing it correctly if her bhole pinches your nose closed.
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01-03-2016 15:16 by Nipper
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I pledged allegiance “to the Republic for Witches Stand” until the 4th grade.
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01-03-2016 09:20
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Not surprised with the with the new Chris Brown headline. I always new, no matter what woman he's with, that if made it to Vegas he'd hit it big.
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01-03-2016 03:18
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A woman who act like a man will get slapped like a man! Thats a standard rule..
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01-03-2016 00:37
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Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let's get this thing done.
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01-02-2016 19:17
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It's 2016, if you're still liking your own posts, you should take your own fist and punch your own face...
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01-02-2016 19:13 by Scmc1st
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If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.
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01-02-2016 18:44 by Aaron
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I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
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01-02-2016 18:42 by Aaron
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I like to sleep naked, so if there's any kind of emergency I immediately make it sexy...
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01-02-2016 17:52 by Scmc1st
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my new years resolution is 800 x 600
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01-02-2016 17:51 by Eddy
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[dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
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01-02-2016 14:02 by Aaron
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Commercials: Now brought to you with limited football interruption.
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01-02-2016 14:00 by Aaron
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If her bra matches her panties when she takes her clothes off, then it wasn't the guy that decided to have sex.
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01-02-2016 13:56
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The owner of this bar is arguing with me that Mourinho is a better manager than Wenger. I just had to remind him that "the customer is always right Sir"

Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
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01-02-2016 10:21
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My family thinks on New Years Day that Black Eyed Peas matter....Had to remind them that ALL peas matter.
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01-02-2016 04:51
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Eat a whole pizza and people say, whoa you were hungry! Eat a whole cake and people say, dude you've got a problem!
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01-02-2016 01:30
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My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don't tell me about your rough childhood.
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01-01-2016 19:35 by snotty
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