Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I'm taking my family to see the Nutcracker on Saturday. Of course I'm talking about my mother-in-law, not the show.

   My mother always said "if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all." I hope she's happy my mime career has taken off.

   I'm the one your mother warned you about......to never let me be the one that got away.

   Those saying what a great guy Jovan Belcher was seem to overlook he just killed his baby's mother!!

   So a man walks into a bar with a monkey.. I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother's a whòrë.

   I don't care how old I am. If I lose my mother in a super market I'm going to panic.

   When I was a kid I wrote to Santa Clause to "please send me a baby brother",,,,,,Santa wrote back "send me your mother"!

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend. Lets all reflect on my life together.

   Your mother nodding solemnly on Antiques Roadshow as the appraiser explains that the ashtray you made for her in 1st grade is absolute crap...

   Please don't curse and use bad words when you comment on my posts. My mother f*cking family is on Facebook. Thank you.

   The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable

   Hurrican Sandy is mother natures revenge for Jersey Shore.

   Hurricane Sandy is Mother Nature's way of preventing another MTV Jersey Shore cast from happening. She's had enough!!!

   The Mother Of All storms (Frankenstorm) is heading toward New York City... Trump better get out the hairspray.

   If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.

   I'm more confused than Ricky Martin's kids on mother's day.

   The silence that occurs when I'm waiting for my little sister outside the playground, and a mother asks me "What child?" and I answer, "I have not decided yet ..."

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   Stranger things have happened. Remember how Mary, Jesus's mother got pregnant without sex??

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend and you're single. Just let that sink in..