Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1394 of 6384
Did you know,, the 'ueue' in 'queue' is silent?
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12-02-2015 14:53 by snotty
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Fact: an Owl's head can rotate up to 840°, before it comes off in your hand.
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12-02-2015 14:51 by snotty
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[At the zoo] Llama spits in my face,, I spit in llamas face,, Llama slaps me,, I grab llamas hair,, Scuffle ensues,, Llamas girlfriend shouts "leave it Gary!"
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12-02-2015 14:34 by snotty
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Dear Liver: This month is gonna be tough. hang in there and stay strong buddy.
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12-02-2015 13:59 by Czovczov
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They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.
I can only assume the next 4 weeks are incredibly difficult for people who's grandmother's were actually run over by reindeer. ..
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12-02-2015 06:56 by SEAN
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The dream if free. The hustle is sold separately.
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12-01-2015 23:50
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My daughter's school was closed for fog??... Hey,, Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & my principal would be like... "Ummm,, 2-hour delay"
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12-01-2015 19:35 by snotty
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*gets pulled over... COP: "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"... [I've swapped places with the dog]... ME: "Jake, answer the man"
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12-01-2015 19:28 by snotty
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What valuable lesson did you learn from the chubby white B-list comedian on the stool?
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12-01-2015 16:27
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welcome to HIdDen mEssages club. please help yourself To tHE snacks By the dOor and we’ll get starteD shortlY.
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12-01-2015 15:43 by snotty
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you know your not much of a Christmas shopper anymore, when your still using some of the same wrapping paper you had 3 years ago . 🎁 🎁🎁 🎁
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12-01-2015 14:18
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In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.
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12-01-2015 14:07
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Anti-psychotics, but for religious fanatics.
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12-01-2015 13:06
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When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I'm afraid of the lights.
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12-01-2015 11:01
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The proper response to "Good Morning" is "Yeah? Prove it!"
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12-01-2015 06:45
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I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
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11-30-2015 20:46
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Welcome to Disproportionate Body Parts Club.... If there's any suggestions, I'm all ears.
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11-30-2015 20:09 by snotty
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"Mirror, mirror; on the floor.... Who's got the biggest hemorrhoids of them all?"
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11-30-2015 19:20 by snotty
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To any American who wants a better life, leave the country, denounce your US citizenship and come back as an illegal immigrant. . .
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11-30-2015 19:14 by JAB
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