Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1375 of 6384
Relationship or hallucination? I don't care. Either way, I'm seeing somebody.
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12-31-2015 15:40
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I remember a time when I was overly optimistic about the great things that were to come in the new year. Well...here's to not stepping in dog siht while checking the mail in 2016.
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12-31-2015 15:02 by John Y
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The way Donald Trump think everyone is a killer, its safe to believe he was a cat in previous life.
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12-31-2015 14:22
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Never break a person's heart. They one have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of those.
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12-31-2015 14:09
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This year I failed at the resolution to not procrastinate so much and I have about 11 hours and 45 minutes to make good on the rest of my 2015 resolutions!
Although 2016 was expected, Apple has announced the coming year will only be 2015s.
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12-31-2015 12:42 by lkl627
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Hey 2015... Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, you Dirty Mother Fucker!!!
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12-31-2015 11:26
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Remember that episode on Cosby Show where Vanessa got drunk and was hung over..........I'm thinking Cosby did that
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12-31-2015 09:56
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Dear Young Girls, Never ever never ever take pills from anyone and not expect you may get wasted and get taken advantage of....... Just a little advice I learned on the Cosby Show!
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12-31-2015 09:43 by sparkles
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that moment when This morning I had call 911 on the truck with the flashing lights in behind me that passed me....turns out it wasnt a cop on the phone, its was the dispatcher.
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12-31-2015 08:47 by jitney
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This morning I had call 911 on the truck with the flashing lights in behind me that passed me....turns out it wasnt a cop on the phone, its was the dispatcher.
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12-31-2015 08:46
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If I could have Superpowers, I think it would be either the ability to fly, the ability to turn myself invisible, or the ability to understand women.
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12-31-2015 06:01
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A Google Chrome add-on that allows you to remove mentions and photos of the Kardashians from your browser
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12-30-2015 23:57
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My New Year's resolution is to announce a bunch of grandiose plans & changes I want to make for the new year, but then seamlessly slide into the same destructive patterns that have kept me suppressed in a life of mediocrity for as long as I can remember.
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12-30-2015 23:12 by MickeyFab
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I love lesbians... Only when they let me
Whoever blew bubbles as a kid , he is back in town looking for you!
I accidentally OD'd on Viagra. Man, that was a hard night!
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12-30-2015 20:30
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Be careful driving out there.This time of year, black ice matters.
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12-30-2015 18:35
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Finally throwing out my Thanksgiving leftovers. I don't even remember making turkey yogurt.
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12-30-2015 17:58
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Can we get back on Trump.....who cares about Bill Cosby! oh wait Trumps eating jello
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12-30-2015 15:56
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