Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon There never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie, because no one is listening to them idiots
←Rate | 03-14-2016 16:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The least I should get for paying all that money into 0bamacare, is a monthly update and photo of the person I'm sponsoring.
←Rate | 03-14-2016 13:36 by Fazzmanazz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say Donald Trump is a fascist. There is nothing more fascist than shutting down someone's ideas. Think about that for a second....
←Rate | 03-14-2016 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie? Because those people have jobs and are at work.
←Rate | 03-14-2016 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prayer is like duct tape. If it's not working, you need to use more of it.
←Rate | 03-14-2016 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back seat drivers are all the same. It's always "This isn't the way to my house.", "Why are we going into the woods?" and "Stop the car and let me out."
←Rate | 03-14-2016 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will track you down and you will pay. You have my Word.
←Rate | 03-14-2016 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to think the word "ostracized" was "ostrich-sized" and I was always like: "Good! Keep that bird-bodied weirdo away from me!"
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Your word is 'ouija'" -could you use that in a seance?
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:48 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon just cracked open a book or as I like to call it "a beer"
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:48 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be a wrestler whose finishing move is taking the other wrestlers out for a nice steak dinner, they work hard & they deserve it
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:45 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quiet Riot is putting the band back together! First stop, Trump convention.
←Rate | 03-13-2016 18:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I poured his heart out and it evaporated. FML
←Rate | 03-13-2016 16:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never understand why cartoon pictures of the sun always depict it wearing sunglasses. What exactly would it be protecting its eyes from?
←Rate | 03-13-2016 16:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does lemonade contain artificial flavors and furniture polish contain real lemons?
←Rate | 03-13-2016 16:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chicago has proved exactly how tolerant the left is towards things like free speech, open debate, and open elections.
←Rate | 03-13-2016 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Put down my club? Oh, you meant vote?........I thought Bernie wanted a Revolution?
←Rate | 03-13-2016 16:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
←Rate | 03-13-2016 15:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump is Making America great again, one riot at a time
←Rate | 03-13-2016 14:56 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
←Rate | 03-13-2016 14:53 Comments (0)  




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