life Funny Status Messages

   The best things in life are free……for the first 90 days.

   When life hands you lemons, make apple cider. Because life will be expecting you to make lemonade, so you'll have the element of surprise. Then you can be all "yeahhhh son, whatchu got now, life?? Nothing! You got nothing!"

   Took off all the straws on my kids Capri Suns and threw them out the window on my way to work.....THUG LIFE!!

   If only I could figure out a way to fall asleep at work without anybody noticing. That would definitely be one of my top achievements in life!

   Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

   The surest sign that there is intelligent life somewhere in the Universe is that it hasn't tried to contact us.

   ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ scratch and you can win free cats for life

   Life is what you make it! Be careful what ingredients you add!

   Saw a magazine with two girls on it from the show Teen Mom that said "Teen Mom Ruined my life" REALLY?? I supposed the fact that you couldn't keep your panties on in the first place had NOTHING to do with it?

   Oh life I love you, specially your things I mean living things, some of them are severely cool

   In my next life, I pray Zinggers don't taste so good.

   saw Harry Potter at midnight last night. LOL JK, I have a life.

   Marriage is not a word, its a sentence, a life sentence.

   Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid.

   Forrest Gump taught us a strange life lesson: Be completely unaware of all success you've achieved and you'll own 50% of a billion dollar shrimpin' company.

   Casey Anthony places a call to 911 in fear of her life..... Dispatcher: What is your emergency? CA: Please help me, I have a bunch of people trying to kill me. Dispatcher: Okay Miss Anthony, try to stay calm, an officer will be there in 31 days

   The majority of life's greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.

   5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   In the movie of life, I am my own stunt double.

   Some people have this amazing ability in life, the ability to still care for people they shouldn't give a damn about, people they have every right to hate because of all the sh*t they have put them through. I am not one of those people!