Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1348 of 6384
If Bernie Sanders grows a beard, he'll be a wizard....
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02-06-2016 00:40
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Sad to say all your friends "Friends Day" videos are now in the 99 cent bin at Walmart.
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02-06-2016 00:38
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If you get an email titled "Nude Pictures of Sarah Palin" do not open it. It is a virus. If you get an email titled "Nude Pictures of Hillary Clinton" do not open it. It is nude pictures of Hillary Clinton.
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02-05-2016 21:19
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Do people who have wind chimes know that not having wind chimes is also an option
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02-05-2016 20:01 by snotty
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YEAR IN REVIEW: January February March April May June July August September October November December...... *nice we did it, congrats folks
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02-05-2016 19:29 by snotty
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Old man Bernie Sanders looks like that guy down the block driving around luring kids in with promises of free candy...
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02-05-2016 16:33
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Hillary Clinton naked. Oops. This isn't Google.
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02-05-2016 11:06 by Go Bills
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Okay, I'm just going to admit it. I'm kinda disappointed this "Friends Day" video that everyone is posting has absolutely nothing to do with Jennifer Aniston. #mycelebritycrush
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02-05-2016 10:49
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I want a girl that likes long romantic walks. Because I don't have a car.
Thank you Facebook for the friends day video I just deleted 99% of my Facebook "so called friends"
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02-04-2016 20:18
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[restaurant] *chef slams block of cheese down on plate... Me: But… Chef: Look, This is the best cheese in the world. It doesn't get any grater
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02-04-2016 18:51 by snotty
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ME: Hi Mom,,, Please come get me. This house is weird and someone is snoring. MOM: Honey, for the last time, you're not at a sleepover... You're married.
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02-04-2016 18:38 by snotty
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DETECTIVE: I've called you here because I suspect one of you... IS AN OWL !!! ME: Who?? *everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head just turned 270°
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02-04-2016 18:31 by snotty
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Good to see Brian Williams back on TV all these years after he pulled me from the rubble on 9/11.
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02-04-2016 18:01 by snotty
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Nobody remembers who came in second. Bernie who.....?
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02-04-2016 17:35
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Bernie Sanders Drinking Game: Every time Bernie mentions a free government program you drink someone else's beer.
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02-04-2016 17:07
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"No one remembers who came in second, only losers" - 2013 Tweet from Donald Trump
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02-04-2016 15:29
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In 15 years' time a girl with a Brazilian won't mean a neatly trimmed vag, it'll be a head shaped like a rugby ball.
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02-04-2016 14:52 by Nipper
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If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?
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02-04-2016 13:53
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You've been in a good mood three days in a row? Teach me this sorcery.
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02-04-2016 13:29
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