Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1339 of 6384
Women and Cats: I've never understood why women love cats. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
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02-11-2016 20:34
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Please Take Note: A Hogwarts degree isn't worth much in 2016.
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02-11-2016 20:30
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Relationship Goals: Wanna come over and nap?
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02-11-2016 20:28
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What People Care About In February: 99% -- Deadpool, 1% -- Valentines Day.
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02-11-2016 20:26
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When writing the story of your life don't let everyone hold your pen...
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02-11-2016 15:46
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I nicknamed my urethra, Franklin.
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02-11-2016 15:41
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I find it ironic that Valentines Day is abbreviated as VD
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02-11-2016 15:40 by Eddy
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Sad News to Report: The inventor of throat lozenges has died.... There'll be no coffin at his funeral.
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02-11-2016 15:37
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If someone is bothering you with unnecessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad “iPhone 7 for $1 only
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02-11-2016 15:34
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Cleaning with dogs in your house is like brushing your teeth with Oreos.
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02-11-2016 15:20
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Remember it didn't start with gas chambers, it started with politicians dividing the people with "us vs. them". It started with intolerance & hate speech and when people stopped caring, became desensitized and turned a blind eye. This is America in 2016.
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02-11-2016 15:15
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This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
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02-11-2016 13:42
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.... If you had to choose between voting for Hillary and getting shot in the leg ...... What caliber would you ask for?
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02-11-2016 13:03
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... So .... Hillary earned more delegates in NH than Bernie after she loses by a landslide ..... It's such sweet Irony ... when a Socialist has to give the delegates he earned away to the loser!
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02-11-2016 12:59
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Looking for a job in my sofa, bed and surrounding areas.
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02-11-2016 11:55
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For those of you not getting the V or the D, Happy alentines ay.
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02-11-2016 09:17
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How To Prepare Tofu: Step 1. Throw it in the trash. Step 2. Grill some meat.
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02-11-2016 06:12
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My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
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02-11-2016 06:09
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Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
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02-11-2016 06:06
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Men: I don't always scream like a little girl. But when I do, it's because my wife just put her cold, undead feet on my body.
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02-11-2016 06:04
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