Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1328 of 6384
Have you ever gotten so bored at work that you just started actually doing your job?
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02-19-2016 18:11
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Women with large breasts are generally more successful than men with large breasts.
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02-19-2016 18:09
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Turns out an At Home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift.
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02-19-2016 18:08
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Dear GoFundMe, please allow us to raise money to pay someone to punch Kanye square in the face.
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02-19-2016 18:06
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F*ck the zombie apocalypse, it's never going to happen. Worry about the f*cktard apocalypse, it's already upon us.
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02-19-2016 18:04
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Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was just actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
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02-19-2016 18:02
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Why is it....Biggie and Tupac get gunned down but nobody will shoot Kanye West.
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02-19-2016 17:54
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I'm beginning to understand why Syria, Raqqa 5-Star Al-Aladin VIP vacation packages are being steeply discounted....
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02-19-2016 16:47 by XX-FOXY
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This treadmill has no room for my milkshake or my pizza .. Lame design
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02-19-2016 16:46
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You know you've reached adulthood when you pause sex when the dryer buzzes...
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02-19-2016 14:52
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I've had relationships that didn't last as long as The Undertakers entrance
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02-19-2016 14:39
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May everything you want this weekend be within the reach of the couch.
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02-19-2016 14:37
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We are the granddaughters of the witches you weren't able to burn.
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02-19-2016 14:35
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If I'm a sarcastic a$$hole when I talk to you it's either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you, or I really hate you and don't care if you know it. Good luck figuring out which one....
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02-19-2016 14:33
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My parents thought they were naming me something unique, but really they just signed me up for a life with a misspelled, mispronounced, never gonna find it on a Coke bottle name.
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02-19-2016 14:29
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I'm at the "What can I make with green beans and cake mix?" stage of needing groceries.
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02-19-2016 14:25
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The term "Redneck" is so offensive....they're called "Nascar Americans".
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02-19-2016 14:22
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I'll be betting on The Pope for the Pope vs. Trump showdown.
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02-19-2016 14:20
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Pro tip for the ladies: If you're taking a mirror selfie, look at the mirror not your camera...
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02-19-2016 13:53
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Dating someone who didn't even finish high school is so risky, what if they leave you like they left school?
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02-19-2016 13:04
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