Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1319 of 6446

Maybe she's born with spit. Maybe it's Vaseline.
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05-01-2016 06:45 by Nipper
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Cinco De Mayo,Celebrated more in the Southwest than in Mexico, Because there is MORE Freedom in America where they are trespassing than in the country Mexico where they came from. But constantly complain that the US is not enough like Mexico
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05-01-2016 02:06
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....... Why do illegal Mexican trespassers wave the Mexican Flag at protests in America but refuse to live in their home country of Mexico ....
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04-30-2016 22:39
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I got kicked out of Subway again for NOT talking on my iPhone when ordering a sandwich
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04-30-2016 18:43 by Snotty
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You want to get the PERFECT body, it's easy... 😮 Walk up hill, a lot.. & only eat meat. 👍........ *Sponsored by Ed's hillwalking & meats Ltd
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04-30-2016 18:38 by Snotty
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20s: Sure, I'll take the floor... 30s: The floor? No, But I'll sleep on the couch.... 40s: What thread count are your sheets?
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04-30-2016 18:25 by Snotty
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I'm always amazed at how eating 2lbs of chocolate can make you gain 7lbs.
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04-30-2016 18:21 by Snotty
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I've been to jail twice this week. So if you're into bad boys get at me. But not tonight cause I have knitting class.
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04-30-2016 17:53
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Just wondering, will there be any Transgendered bathrooms at the Republican National Convention this summer?
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04-30-2016 16:23
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Come on people I don't think we are ready for a woman president!! I can't believe no ones asking her the important questions like can she cook!!!
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04-30-2016 12:48 by Tony
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You can tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
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04-30-2016 12:15
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I love coffee, but if someone with a British accent offers me crumpets and tea, l would totally cheat.
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04-30-2016 12:09
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A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
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04-30-2016 12:05
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I don't care if you're male or female as long as you fill the paper roll the right way. Oh, and make sure the seat is down...
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04-30-2016 11:18
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Listen,, If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
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04-30-2016 09:50 by Snotty
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Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.
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04-30-2016 09:48 by Snotty
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Help I don't know what to do I just learn my Bathroom is used by Males and Females so guess its a Transgender Bathroom. Do I boycott it?
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04-30-2016 09:18
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With all the controversy surrounding public restrooms, I am now identifying myself as 'waiting til I get home'
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04-30-2016 08:05
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A picture only captures a millisecond of a life. So at the end of the day, don't judge a person by their pics.
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04-30-2016 08:04
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Anybody have the over/under on the number of bathroom door labels that will be available at the Democratic National Convention?
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04-29-2016 21:14
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