Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1311 of 6446

When exactly do young chicks become old hens? Just asking for my wife and her clucking friends.
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05-07-2016 12:31 by Fazzella
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I'm going to the Aquarium, do some fishing. . .
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05-06-2016 16:54 by JAB
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Question ... Which Democrat candidate has given up any of their earnings in the name of income inequality? Answer .... Neither .... They are both hypocrites!!!
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05-06-2016 14:27
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.... If dueling to the death made a comeback today .... I bet people would start being a heck of a lot less offended!
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05-06-2016 14:23
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.... I'm puzzled .... How did America go from being a nation that figured out how to put a man on the moon ... To one that is confused about which bathroom to use?
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05-06-2016 14:21
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Thanks to modern medicine, we can stay sexually active way past the age where anyone wants to see us nekkid.
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05-06-2016 14:21
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Looking forward to a nice English summer. Blue skies, warm and sunny. Should be a nice couple of days....
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05-06-2016 13:44
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Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
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05-06-2016 12:18
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Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
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05-06-2016 12:16
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To those of you still mourning the losses of Prince, David Bowie, and the guy from The Eagles, it's okay. You still have Nickelback.
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05-06-2016 11:52 by Fazzella
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Next time you need to fart in public, say "Do I smell popcorn" then watch everyone take a deep breath
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05-06-2016 11:04 by Kman68
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Drinking decaf coffee is like watching porn with no hands
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05-06-2016 11:02 by Kman68
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Coffee! If you're not shaking, you need another cup.
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05-06-2016 11:01 by Kman68
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Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can
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05-06-2016 10:58 by Kman68
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Ran my first 10K this morning. Just kidding, I'm on my third donut
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05-06-2016 10:56 by Kman68
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Two things: 1) Where have you been all my life? 2) Can you please go back there?
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05-06-2016 10:54 by Kman68
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Yawning is just a silent scream for coffee
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05-06-2016 10:53 by Kman68
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Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he's breaking up with his girlfriend.
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05-06-2016 06:01
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I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults.
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05-06-2016 05:57
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Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
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05-06-2016 05:37
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