Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1311 of 6383
Destiny was never given to us, we chose our own...
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03-02-2016 13:47
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Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
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03-02-2016 10:33
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99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around...hang on...if there are 99, why can't I have my own?
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03-02-2016 09:30 by Fazzerino
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I decided to nickname my bathroom the Jim instead of the John. That way I can tell everyone that the first thing I do when I wake up every morning is go to the Jim.
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03-02-2016 09:19
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If Hillary Clinton wins, I'm getting Rosetta Stone and sending El Chapo my resume.
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03-02-2016 08:16
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Dr. Ben Carson: no wins, 2nds, 3rds or even 4ths. Dr. Ben, maybe you should think about...Dr. Ben? Dr. BEN!! All right, I'll come back later.
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03-02-2016 07:48
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Last night I lost my mood ring....I'm not sure how I feel about that.
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03-02-2016 05:32 by MWC
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I'm afraid if Trump wins he'll leave us for a younger, prettier country...
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03-01-2016 22:24 by eengrms
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that a bottle of Prozac in your pocket or are you just sad to see me?
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03-01-2016 19:09 by Snotty
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Get laser hair removal they said, the technician won't torch your grundle they said.
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03-01-2016 19:07 by Snotty
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My voting ballot is just an adult coloring book.
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03-01-2016 16:10 by Snotty
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If my grandkids ask how Trump got elected, I'm gonna say that Breaking Bad was so awesome that everyone in America ended up on Meth!
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03-01-2016 14:36
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Well if Donald said it, it must be true. So there you are, no one has done more for equality than he has. MLK could take lessons from Trump.
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03-01-2016 13:45
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If I were to illegally download a film in Jamaica, would I be a Pirate of the Caribbean?
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03-01-2016 13:27
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Donald Trump Claims Ignorance of KKK, David Duke, While Obama Was Essentially Forced to Denounce Farrakhan — Why the Double Standard?
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03-01-2016 10:56
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Hillary and Trump already won. It's already been decided by the Illuminati and the lizard people from the center of the earth.
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03-01-2016 07:45
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"What kind of a sick freak would have a painting of a postman being sodomised by a donkey?"... "That's a Rorschach ink blot test.".... "Ummm, a what?"
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03-01-2016 06:02 by Snotty
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This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me Today.. "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
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03-01-2016 05:53 by @DJPhatJ
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"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.
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03-01-2016 05:49 by Snotty
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My new wife earned a thunderous round of applause at the reception when she described her wedding vows as "taking one for the team"
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03-01-2016 05:38 by Snotty
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