Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Redneck Children Stories: The Lion, The Witch, and the Civil War Re-enactors.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary should be indicted. Trump will do something where he should be indicted. We're screwed. Eat Oreos.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The "Map My Run" Facebook posts are a great way to track how far you went to brag about exercise or show your exercise running from the police.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one that doesn't eat all day then binges 4000 calories in one sitting?
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you visualize something you can make it happen. I'm visualizing taking a nap.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wendy's pay terminals hacked!!! First my wife finds out I was on Ashley Madison, now she'll know I bought my dates baked potatoes.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to Walmart makes me appreciate the little things like pants that fit, deodorant, and dental insurance.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump promises to defend article 12 of the Constitution after confusing for bankruptcy chapters.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q.What do you call a dog with 2 inch legs and metal b@lls. A. Sparky
←Rate | 07-08-2016 13:50 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hmmm, we didn't have all this craziness when people were allowed to smoke anywhere.......
←Rate | 07-08-2016 12:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the one phrase a blind person never wants to read? "Do not touch!"
←Rate | 07-08-2016 11:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black Lies Scatter!
←Rate | 07-08-2016 11:40 by lawandorder Comments (1)  


   messageicon Black Jives Shatter
←Rate | 07-08-2016 11:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really don't think it's right to support hate, violence and murder just because it suits your agenda.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The FBI keeps insisting that the greatest threat to America is "Right Wing Extremist Groups." In the mean time people & cops are being murdered across the nation by anything other than that. Beginning to think the biggest threat is those FBI warnings.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon About a year ago I told my friend there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Last I heard he is still sitting there holding his rod.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s bad enough when the little voices in my head talk to me. But now they are texting.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by my news feed this week, people are outraged by the amount of recent killings AND trespassing on personal property from Pokémon GO players. Stop the madness, people!
←Rate | 07-08-2016 09:26 by brodieking Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wife was bragging about being a multi-tasker last night, I said " O yeah, why can’t you have a headache and sex at the same time?”......
←Rate | 07-08-2016 09:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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