Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   FYI,,, I never really know when to stop peeling cabbage.

   Well tonight's date night for me and the wife I certainly hope we don't run into each other

   Pokemon Go mesmerizing people into going outside is like the plot to a Steven King novel.

   FB Live? The whole point of Facebook was that we wouldn't have to see anyone live.

   Bernie Sanders' campaign has had more endings than The Lord Of The Rings.

   If you have to go to a body of water to catch a water Pokemon, you should have to run into a burning building to catch a fire Pokemon.

   I wanted a candy bar but instead I did the right thing and ate an apple, with some walnuts and caramel topping.

   Romantic comedies have ruined women's expectations. Every time I go on a first date she thinks my best friend is LeBron James.

   Find out your porn name by moving to LA with aim to become an actor.

   This is not how to one chooses the most important person of the country. With a knot in the throat that wouldn't go down. It's always a fight to chose the lesser evil. Why can't it be the other way

   I just ran over a Pikachu and a Primeape with my car. Now I think Officer Jenny is after me.

   I'm beginning to think Donald Trump is considering gathering all of his Vice Presidential candidates together in a secret place and have them fight to the death to prove their loyalty?

   In order to help her inner city supporters Hillary is urging President Obama to sign an executive order replacing the word "Looting" with the words "Undocumented Shopping."

   The mantra of every politician is: Promise Everything, Deliver Nothing, Blame Someone Else. HECK ..... No wonder America is in turmoil ... We rarely vote in leaders .... Just a bunch of Con-Artists to run the Nation.

   If you don't know who George Soros is, or who Saul Alinsky was and what Cloward-Piven means, Do America a favor and either educate yourself or DO NOT Vote.

   Hey Bernie supporters, Trump will get you a better job while Hillary will only raise your taxes.

   My wife just put the kids to bed, now it's time to play Pokemom....

   She blinded me with science... well, Sulfuric Acid to be more precise.

   I thought there'd be more sex during my sexual prime.

   I'm trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.