Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1222 of 6383
.... In today's world "Common Sense" has become so rare it's now considered a Super Power.
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06-06-2016 23:37
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The first rule of the Pizza Club is there are no rules. I mean pineapple, there is no pineapple.
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06-06-2016 15:58
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To the girl working at the McDonalds I just left, based on all your tattoos, I'd say your minimum wage pay isn't the issue here...
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06-06-2016 15:21
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Muhammad Ali did not kill that gorilla's toddler just so you can make jokes on Facebook
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06-06-2016 13:46
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Maybe it's not alcoholism. Maybe it's just stress intervention.
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06-06-2016 12:03
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Wal-mart closing 269 stores in 2016, putting 16 cashiers out of work
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06-06-2016 11:23
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Egyptian Pharaoh King Tutankhamun was found buried with a dagger made from a meteorite, so hopefully my request of being buried with my cell phone will be accepted.
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06-06-2016 05:28
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I don't think a child should win America's Got Talent, because performing at 2 am in a Las Vegas casino is simply too cruel.
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06-06-2016 05:23
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I always wonder about this, what bathroom should a trangender gorilla use?
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06-06-2016 05:20
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Nick Cannon challenges Eminem to $100,000 rap battle, I am so loooking forward to watching it this week on America's Got Talent.
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06-06-2016 05:19
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Do you have to buy a gift if the baby is ugly?
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06-06-2016 01:47
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spilled my coffee and I felt a piece of my soul die.
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06-06-2016 01:37
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Tips on How to fall down the stairs.....Step 1, then Step 2... Step 5 Step 9 Step 12 Finally the Floor
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06-06-2016 00:39 by jitney
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"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WEARING THAT BRA" The friend replies. EVER SINCE MY WIFE FOUND IT IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
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06-06-2016 00:28 by jitney
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I guess I won't be allowed to host any more baby showers. Who knew the baby shaped piñata wouldnt be a hit!
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06-05-2016 20:41 by Annette
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You know how to pi$$ a liberal off. Make sense. . .
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06-05-2016 19:52 by JAB
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I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
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06-05-2016 16:00 by huck
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Made eye contact with a stranger today. Turns out strangers don't like it when you touch their eyeballs.
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06-05-2016 15:59 by flinnie
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Are you tired of wal-mart rushing our holiday's? I can't believe it, They already have birthday cards out and it's still months away from my birthday!!!!
Damn, two gorillas in one week...
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06-05-2016 03:21
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