Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Two stuffed dogs at the Antiques Roadshow..."Ooh," Said the appraiser, "This is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they'd fetch if they were in good condition?"....Duh? "Sticks"
←Rate | 07-25-2016 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl on the bus keeps looking at my crocs. This is how sex starts. Watch and learn virgins.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 07:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always the bridesmaid never The Batman.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 06:51 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon and I thought Bi-polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference
←Rate | 07-25-2016 04:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got burned by bacon grease and I ain't even mad because bacon...
←Rate | 07-25-2016 00:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Survivors remorse" proves who the real narcissists are...
←Rate | 07-24-2016 23:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when a friend says they just don't know why they are single? And they are wearing Dansko clogs. Like they belong in a tree making cookies for Keebler? Life lesson 219....
←Rate | 07-24-2016 23:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know after a glass of wine...or four...and you tell a friend you started a go fund me page for her kids mental issues..... Just trying to help...
←Rate | 07-24-2016 23:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People that say " I hate to break it to you" can't wait to break it to you!
←Rate | 07-24-2016 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The DNC is going to be so interesting that BLM leaders are going to stop shooting Africans to watch.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 17:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Juan Valdez is more Patriotic then the Clintons
←Rate | 07-24-2016 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:40 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I were full of tacos instead of emotions.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:38 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:36 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why they called it "WebMD" when they could have called it "Sickipedia."
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:34 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time doesn't exist. It's an exclusive construct derived from the primitive human mind. - I tell myself as I set my alarm for 5am
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:34 by huck Comments (0)  




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