Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1204 of 6383
I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal.
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06-19-2016 06:09
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When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.
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06-19-2016 06:08
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You're a living oxymoron if you get distracted while driving a Ford Focus.
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06-19-2016 06:07
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My Mom always told me to dress as if I'm gay, which I guess makes sense since my clothes came out of the closet.
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06-19-2016 06:05
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Contrary to rumors, a full moon before the summer solstice is not bad news. Unless you're a werewolf who likes to go to the beach.
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06-19-2016 06:03
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The best things in life are free drugs.
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06-19-2016 06:00
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The guys from Insane Clown Posse originally started rapping while working their way through clown community college.
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06-19-2016 06:00
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Only while camping can you pee in the middle of the night while staring into the eyes of a bear.
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06-19-2016 05:58
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Pro Tip: A box of donuts placed on top of the mailbox will keep the police from breaking up your party.
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06-19-2016 05:56
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Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...
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06-19-2016 05:51
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Why didn't the gay cop from "The Village People" save the day in that Orlando club?
I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal
Life is not a fairy tale guys........if you lose a shoe by midnight your drunk.
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06-18-2016 14:19
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The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.
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06-18-2016 11:55 by Fazzella
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Being clean and sober means i've showered and am heading to the liquor store.
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06-18-2016 10:07
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When does Red mean GO and Green means STOP?? Answer: when eating watermelon.
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06-18-2016 08:32
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Love becomes weak if it is not strengthened by truth. Truth becomes hard if it is not softened by love.
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06-18-2016 08:28
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I got my long-awaited colonoscopy last week. I was going to upload the full video, but decided to hold off on that, mostly because I want Morgan Freeman to narrate it.
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06-18-2016 08:27
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You are part of a puzzle in someones life. You may never know where you fit. But, someones life may never be complete without you in it.
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06-18-2016 08:26
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No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
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06-18-2016 08:23
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