Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I wonder if Trump was only put in to make Hillary look good.

   What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.

   OMG I'm so happy! I finally won one of the 350 PS4's that were being given away. I also won one of Dodge Chargers that couldn't be sold and were being given away to random people, and my Dream RV is on its way all for pushing "like" and "share".

   I have decided to stop paying my psychiatrist. I can post my problems on Facebook, and have all my friends help me for free!

   I think Trump is actually turned himself into the Human form or "clickbait"

   Ancient ad featuring a very young Rolling Stones singing. Because of their age now, they should call their next shows the "Snap, Crackle, and Pop Tour".

   America paid Bill $500,000 a year to screw Monica. Guess who Hillary is gonna screw...

   They say that we are what we eat. That means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!

   Rule number one for our new Ice Maker: If ice falls, kick it under the fridge.

   I asked my dry cleaners if they accepted credit cards and they said yes and then I asked if by chance they accepted declined credit cards.

   Yup ... Once you advocate killing cops ... You are no longer protesters ...... You are now Terrorists!

   .... All Lives Matter ..... Well .... Except: terrorists, rapists, child molesters, cop killers & anybody who hates America. Screw those those people!

   2016 Presidential election. ISIS is claiming responsibility for this act of terror.

   It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One you will see after a while, whereas the other, you will see them later.

   I also think it's adorable how their putting jokes on the sides of snacks now. .. Like listen to this one, ,,"serving size 3 cookies "

   I think it's funny how "go to sleep " and "do parkour" sound exactly the same to my kids

   I think I'll go to the playground so I can enjoy a relaxing afternoon of screaming at my kids for screaming

   Well, of course the gas station air pump costs a dollar, because air doesn't grow on trees........... Ummmm,,,,, wait.

   Life starts with everyone cheering when you poop and goes drastically down hill from there.

   it true that the tons of confetti dropped at the Democrat National Convention was actually Hillary's shredded emails?