Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1147 of 6383
A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business".
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07-27-2016 13:22
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I don't know what bothers me most...Hillary's pantsuits, her voice, or that her d*ck is bigger than my boyfriend's.
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07-27-2016 11:27 by Samantha
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The reason for this massive heat wave in the States is that we have two of Satans biggest spawns running for president.
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07-27-2016 11:02
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Bill Clinton also woke up in a White House built by sl@ves. Okay, Monica didn't actually build it nor was she a sl@ve, well sorta...
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07-27-2016 10:40 by Fazzella
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The more I interact with humans, the more I hate humans.
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07-27-2016 09:02
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Did you know that babies lose very little weight in jogging strollers.
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07-27-2016 03:46
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Interior designers say your home should have a theme. Mine is toys on the floor of every room, paired with piles of laundry as focal points.
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07-27-2016 03:44
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All my horoscopes lately have started with “Ok, don’t freak out but…”
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07-27-2016 03:40
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My least favorite animal is the one that’s attacking me.
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07-27-2016 03:38
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Can you get financial aid for dating?
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07-27-2016 03:37
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My credit score has a McDonald's application stapled to it.
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07-27-2016 03:35
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Dogs act pretty tough for someone who's afraid of cotton balls.
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07-27-2016 03:34
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Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Well....when they stopped putting Skittles in the break room vending machine.
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07-27-2016 03:32
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Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
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07-27-2016 03:30
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Major League Baseball games will soon be aired on Twitter. Tampa Bay Rays games, however, will be relegated to MySpace.
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07-27-2016 03:24
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Question -- What night is the swimsuit competition at the DNC?
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07-27-2016 03:22
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The NFL has cleared Peyton Manning of doing steroids so he won't have to sit out the first 4 games of his retirement.
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07-27-2016 03:19
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Monica Lewinsky was asked if this was Bill Clinton's best speech ever. She said, "Close but no cigar".
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07-27-2016 00:08
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People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, upfront, and loyal with their friends, partners and family. I find this fact offensive.
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07-26-2016 20:19
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That one way trip to Mars isn't looking so bad these days....
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07-26-2016 20:18
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