Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If my extension cord ever gets tangled with my ear buds and Christmas lights, I’m really screwed.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mexico announces it's found 6 new oil deposits in Gulf of Mexico. Trump now wants to add a huge door to his wall.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump's appearance on Dr. Oz will solely be for publicity and has nothing to do with real medical information. Same as all the other episodes.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr. Oz pledges to avoid questions Trump doesn't want to answer. It's no big deal; it's not like he's a real journalist. Or a real Doctor.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It turns out Hillary didn't have pneumonia after all. She just downloaded iOS 10.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok I admit it, perhaps I shouldn't have yelled "WORLDSTARRR!!" when they dunked my niece's head during her baptism.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is Collin Kaepernick so angry? You would be too if God had put pubic hair on top of your head.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 18:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never try to reason with a person who wants to save every stray animal alive but is fine with killing 3,000 babies a day...
←Rate | 09-14-2016 15:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pastor Steven Anderson needs so much Botox on his frowning forehead, even his god can't help him.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deplorable and Proud. -My new T-Shirt
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop with the endless flamingo impressions. So I had to put my foot down.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:15 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 12:14 by thejoke.cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon LIberals scream billying the loudest, then call whoever who do not agree with them, the worst words and degrade them. Just like a bully.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
←Rate | 09-14-2016 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My family crest is a single rotisserie chicken.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 05:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh shut up. You weren't even offended by the word deplorable until you looked it up.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I say "1-2-3-and to the 4" and you don't respond "Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre is at tha door"....I guess we never really knew each other.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 05:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How To Satisfy Fast Food Cravings: 1) Grab a handful of almonds. 2) Step off the building.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 05:41 Comments (0)  




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