Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1145 of 6383
Sesame Street fired 3 of its human actors. Don't say Donald Trump didn't warn us about good American jobs going to Muppets.
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07-28-2016 20:14
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Bill O'Reilly has a good point. I mean, without slavery, some of those people could have ended working for a monster like Bill O'Reilly.
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07-28-2016 20:11
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Reagan's shooter, John Hinckley Jr., to be released, I assume it's just in case Trump gets elected.
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07-28-2016 20:10
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It would be nice if Mexicans took some initiative and MadeMexicoGreatAgain
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07-28-2016 19:10
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It's not the heat, it's the humidity...That's just dumb, and it shows your stupidity!
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07-28-2016 16:33 by John Y
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Having fun driving the OCD girls on FB crazy who poke back in a nano second and will keep doing it till I stop.
Im must not be a very good dancer. The last time I was dancing, someone jabbed me with an EpiPen
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07-28-2016 12:41
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My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
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07-28-2016 11:34 by udit
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Thinking it's definitely a case of the tail wagging the dog here.
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07-28-2016 11:15
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Soimeone tossed me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit. I threw a trash can over it til it was dead....
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07-28-2016 10:38
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FYI: "I just watched the new Snooki music video" is not a valid excuse to call in sick.
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07-28-2016 07:19
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I just can't get into Pokemon so why don't we make a Sweet Valley High Go game where I can collect dreamy dates.
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07-28-2016 05:26
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Whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around the city committing crimes.
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07-28-2016 05:23
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Annoy the Star Wars fan in your life by constantly referring to the force as "nerd magic."
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07-28-2016 05:20
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Had to check my bank account before I could smoke another cigarette.
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07-28-2016 05:19
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My vegetable garden is not doing very well this summer according to this cease and desist letter I received from the city.
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07-28-2016 05:18
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In order to enjoy porn, I have to forget everything I know about disease pathology.
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07-28-2016 05:13
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I can hear my girlfriend telling me not to touch her from work.
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07-28-2016 05:12
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Siri, bring me a delicious cheesecake and tell my food journal to log it as a veggie burger.
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07-28-2016 05:10
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Thinking about being the President. But my wife, Melania, said she wouldn't want to move into a much smaller house.
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07-28-2016 05:06
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